Save handicapped parking placard for legitimate use

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My dear friend of 40 years has a husband who is recently disabled and who now uses a handicapped parking placard that hangs from his rearview mirror.

When out together as couples, we have been dismayed to find that there are no handicapped spaces available at the restaurant or theater. We have all commiserated on what we feel is an abuse of handicapped spaces by the able-bodied.

Recently I drove this friend and two other friends to a garden/museum for what was to be an afternoon ladies’ outing. As we drove by the handicapped spaces, my friend remarked, “It’s a shame that I didn’t bring hubby’s placard in my purse – we could have parked in a handicapped space.”

I was shocked/disturbed by this comment and replied, “No, we would NOT have parked in a handicapped spot!”

Her response was, “That’s ridiculous – there are a hundred empty spaces!” (Obviously, an exaggeration.)

I then said, “I am sorry, but I don’t care to be part of the problem.”

My friend did drop the subject, but I wondered if there might have been a better way for me to have handled this.

GENTLE READER: Probably. What you said was justified, but Miss Manners fears that it is the way you said it that might have caused offense.

Perhaps something more along the lines of, “Surely, you do not want to contribute to the abuse of handicapped spaces that is causing this problem in the first place,” would have resonated more deeply with your friend than being more severely reprimanded.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years, I frequently have had people come up to me in public places and say, “How do I know you?” or “Where do I know you from?” or “Haven’t we met before?”

This is not a “pickup” line – it happens with both males and females all the time.

I typically respond that I have a familiar face and people say this to me all the time. As I have gotten much older, I thought it would subside, but it has not. I don’t mind to some extent, but it’s gotten to the point that some people will not let it drop. They are insistent on trying to figure out who I am or where they may have met me before.

I always try to be as friendly and jovial as possible, but am not sure how to handle it when they keep coming back to me to try to figure it out. This typically occurs when I am out with my husband or friends for the evening, and we are all just trying to visit with one another over dinner, coffee or drinks, etc.

I’ve even had people sit down at my table and start asking me very personal questions so they can try to determine where they have met me before.

Do you have any suggestions?

GENTLE READER: “You probably saw me in my high school play.”

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.