Paul Turner: Problems don’t just melt away with the snow

I hate to be the one to break it to you.

But spring’s official arrival this week isn’t going to magically solve all of Spokane’s problems. Or yours.

Your kids still aren’t going to pick up after themselves. People are still going to try to board airliners in Spokane with loaded guns.

Oh, sure. You thought waving goodbye to the snow would fix everything.

What color is the sky in your world?

All right, if you really hate winter, it’s possible to see how you could allow yourself to believe that the dawning of a new season fixes everything. To be fair, it does at least suggest our days of shoveling snow and going down like a sack of potatoes on icy driveways are near an end. For now.

But sunshine and tree buds don’t erase your credit card debt or make your dentist give you good news.

The way some people around here talk, you might think spring’s arrival meant we were all going to join hands and skip through Manito Park singing “Age of Aquarius.”

OK, there’s something undeniably sweet about feeling a warmish breeze caress your face. And the fragrances of spring can be enough to make you consider inflicting poetry on innocent friends and family members.

Who isn’t looking forward to seeing the downtown waterfalls this year?

But children still get sick in spring. People lose their jobs. We disappoint loved ones. The new neighbor flies a Confederate flag.

A change in the weather is no cure-all. Still, spring can be a new beginning, a reboot, a clean slate.

Who doesn’t welcome that?

We live in four seasons country. I’ve long thought those who are happiest here are the ones who manage to see the good in each.

There’s a saying in baseball when the batter hits a home run that could be applied to our four seasons.

Touch ’em all.

Or, for those suspicious about the annual promise of spring, we could recall an old Bob and Ray comedy routine. The bit where one of them is pretending to be a sportscaster wrapping up his show. Instead of “Heading home,” he says, “This is Biff Burns rounding third and … getting thrown out at the plate.”

Re: When you get to claim being ‘from Spokane’

Chip Magnuson, delivered into this world at Sacred Heart in 1964, said he’ll accept as credentials being born here or living hereabouts since before Expo ’74. “Otherwise you’re a foreigner.”

Seems a bit harsh. But OK.

Jim Wavada said a genuine Spokanite would have been here long enough to remember Civil Defense sirens at noon on Wednesdays, among other notable sense of place markers.

You know what they say. Home is where your “duck and cover” memories are.

John McTear said owning a large posterior snowblower and two 4WD SUVs are signs of being an Inland Northwesterner. “But mostly, realizing my best ‘dress shoes’ are Merrell’s.”

Well, we all like to put our best foot forward.

Gabi Tilley, who has lived here more than 30 years, suggested you can claim to be “from here” if you root for local and state sports teams instead of the ones you grew up with in another state.

“I guess we will never be from here, because we will always root for the Denver Broncos. But I do love Spokane with all my heart, just not the Seahawks. And I’m proud to say that I’m from Washington at any other time.”

Hmmm. If Illinois can claim to be the “Land of Lincoln” when our 16th president grew up in Kentucky and Indiana, perhaps a little flexibility is in order here.

End note

There’s seldom a time when I enjoy being a grumpy old man more than spring break.

I love imagining how fathers in the 1960s would have reacted to the whole concept of entitled children expecting, dare I say demanding, expensive weeklong family vacations.

For most school districts, spring break is still a few weeks away. But I thought I’d get a head-start on grousing. Feel free to borrow any of these lines.

“Spring break? Ahahahahahaha. Yeah, that would go over big down at the plant. ‘Boss, can I have a week off to take my daughter to Disney Droppings?’ ”

“When I was a kid we didn’t have any spring break. We had our dads saying ‘I’ll give you something to cry about.’ ”

“What’s with schools today? I thought they were supposed to teach you to sit down and shut up. Is this some teachers union scam?”

“Apparently, my boy, you are under the impression that you are the dauphin and your mother and I are made of money.”

“Son, have you ever thought of entertaining yourself for five minutes?”

Columnist Paul Turner can be reached at srpaulturner@gmail.com.