Miss Manners: Cramped airplane quarters lead to diaper conundrum

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Where, exactly, do you suggest one go to change a diaper on an airplane?

The aisle is pretty much the only place. There aren’t changing tables in the bathrooms – there is barely room for one person, much less room to change a diaper.

Leaving a child in a wet diaper can lead to infections and skin problems. Leaving a child in a dirty diaper will surely extend the unpleasantness for everyone on the plane.

All passengers need to do their best to be polite. Anyone who wants peace and quiet should either fly in a private plane or get noise-canceling headphones.

GENTLE READER: We at least agree that everyone on a plane must endeavor to be polite.

Navies learned long ago that being in close quarters with the same people for extended periods of time required more, not less, etiquette to keep everyone from coming to blows. This was recognized before the invention of submarines or airplanes, when an occasional walk outside to clear one’s thoughts was still possible.

But you already knew that Miss Manners was unlikely to recommend changing one’s baby on the lap of the person next to you, no matter how convenient. Airplane bathrooms now do have fold-down tables for changing, which, like everything else in airplanes these days, is carefully measured to be challenging, but not impossible. We can agree that a tiny bit more space would result in a great deal less discomfort, but whether that happens or not, please still change the baby in the bathroom.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have decided that it is in our best interests to totally abstain from drinking alcohol. As a result, we do not purchase alcohol to have in our home. We do not object, however, or find it uncomfortable, to have guests who wish to have a cocktail or wine with dinner.

Is it rude to ask people to bring their own bottle of wine or favorite alcoholic beverage when they come to our house for dinner? In some ways, it seems ungracious for us not to have such beverages on hand, but a lot of our guests are so used to having a dinner cocktail that I think their dining pleasure is greatly reduced when this is not available.

GENTLE READER: Etiquette often sets alcohol apart from other food and drink – not just because of its side effects, but because of its significance in culture, history and religion.

But not always. You make clear that your objection to alcohol extends only to yourself and your husband; not only have you expressed no adverse opinion about others’ use of it, you are willing for them to imbibe it in your home.

For that reason, your question could instead be about broccoli – in which case the answer would not have required Miss Manners’ intervention, so apparent would it be. As the host, you are free to set the menu, and you can include or exclude alcohol. But if you want it to be available to your guests, then it is up to you to procure it.