Miss Manners 12/23

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have cancer. I live in a fairly small town with a fairly small hospital. There is only one oncology practice with only one oncologist. The next town is not close.

At my last appointment, the doctor and I were both wearing masks. The hospital does not let anyone into the building without a mask and temperature test. I said something that was a little muffled that I had to repeat.

Pointing to his mask, the oncologist said, “These masks don’t do anything anyway. They don’t help; they’re just for show.”

This is a doctor whose patients are virtually all immunocompromised, since most cancer drugs wipe out our white cell count. If this man doesn’t believe masks work, why would he take precautions outsideof the hospital?

Gossip spreads easily around here, and I am afraid to say anything to anyone. about this for fear he would likely find out who “complained.” As I said, there is no other oncologist in town.

GENTLE READER: Doctors and hospitals are supposed to be more discreet, but Miss Manners understands both your concern and your urgency.

As the goal is to hide in plain sight, she can offer two solutions: sharing all of your concerns with someone in authority whom you trust – your general practitioner, perhaps – and asking that person to act, discreetly, on your behalf; or mobilizing fellow patients to file multiple, identical complaints.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can I get a co-worker to wear a mask in our workplace, which supposedly requires masks at all times? I’ve already complained to her supervisor and Human Resources.

GENTLE READER: Co-workers – by which Miss Manners means workers of equal rank, not the faux charm with which the boss introduces you as his co-worker – have limited authority, either from HR or Miss Manners, to boss one another around.

They have still less ability to enforce behavioral changes. If neither the boss nor HR are willing to address your understandable, and serious, concern, then they should be asked to relocate you to a safe (not, please note, “a safer”) environment.

Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.