Dear Annie 7/9
Dear Annie: The COVID-19 pandemic broke my relationship. I was with my guy for 14 years, and we live in different towns. When all this stuff started, we both agreed that we couldn’t see each other because his elderly mother lives with him. That was all fine. But then I asked him to please stay in contact, by phone or text or email. I waited one month before hearing from him. He proceeded to tell me his opinions on our fragile couple situation, criticized me and then stopped contact altogether.
After that, I sent a few neutral, easy-going texts, and I got zero replies. I’m beyond hurt by his lack of contact and the fact that a stupid virus has led him to leave me. Yes, I realize we may have been on shaky ground before, but with all the media telling us to stay in contact, he has failed miserably. My summer is ruined. – Isolation Blues
Dear Isolation Blues: The pandemic didn’t break your relationship. It just laid bare some preexisting cracks. Ultimately, this is a good thing. Now it’s time to repair together or move on apart.
Good communication is foundational to any healthy relationship. You spent the month waiting for him to contact you: Are you aware that phones can make outgoing calls? Don’t be too proud to be the one to reach out. Perhaps he’s going through a lot of stress at home worrying about his mother’s health, which led to his inconsiderate behavior. It’s worth trying to have that conversation once more before calling it quits.
And if it’s beyond repair, you’re better off now you know. Sure, you might have a crummy summer. But I bet you’ll have your best autumn in years.
Dear annie: The letter from “Don’t Call Me Dear” reminded me of an experience I had as a 20-something female engineer working in an oil refinery. During a shutdown, an older gentleman said to me, “Little Woman, can you hand me the diamond bit in that drawer?” I was stunned. Little Woman?! Somehow, I pulled together the best response I could think of: I stood up, offered to shake his hand and said (in a friendly way): “I’m sorry. I don’t think we’ve met.” And proceeded to introduce myself.
The reaction? He apologized, and then he and I were on a first-name basis going forward. That experience taught me that while I’m a feminist with firm boundaries, I’m better off assuming good intent.
You see, while I believe in speaking up for yourself, I also live in a state (Kentucky) where being called “honey” by the grocery clerk is not only often the norm but also kind of sweet – once I decided it was.
And when I’m not comfortable it? I introduce myself. Sometimes, I even make a friend. – boundaries with a smile
Dear boundaries with a smile: Thank you for this thoughtful example of standing your ground while thinking the best of those around you.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.