Dear Annie: Can’t turn a blind eye to potential health problems

Dear Annie: I believe my husband has a very serious disease. I’m an inveterate Googler and started noticing symptoms about a year ago. I mentioned his prevailing symptom to a friend in the medical field, and the condition I suspected is exactly what she popped out with. Also, my brother is an MD and he has told me that my husband should see a neurologist ASAP.

The problem is that my husband won’t see a doctor, and, even if he did, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t tell them what’s really going on. He denies the symptoms that I’ve seen. I’m not the only one who has noticed. Without naming the disease, I’ve told him I’m worried and said that I know he’d feel bad if the shoe were on the other foot, but he won’t make the appointment.

I am worried and feel like I can’t talk openly with anyone about it. If he does have the disease, it’s incurable and terminal and, from what I’ve read, there are no treatments that can slow its progression – yet. But I still feel like knowing would allow us to prepare. Is there anything I can do either to get my husband to the doctor or to find my own peace? My friend said she sees this all the time and there’s nothing to do but wait until my husband has a serious fall or accident. It feels terrible to wait for that. – Worried Wife

Dear Worried Wife: I am so sorry that you are going through this. Seeing your loved one suffer is heartbreaking. Your initial instinct to want to have him take care of himself is the most natural one in the world. His instinct to run away and avoid knowing what is wrong is also a natural one that comes from fear. Now that you know that both of your instincts are natural and fair, it’s time for next steps.

Sit him down and have a heart-to-heart with him, but don’t tell him that you have been Googling around and playing doctor. Rather, tell him how much you love him and that you are afraid to lose him. Tell him that you will support him in whatever the doctor says but that you would really like him to see a doctor – if not for himself, then for you, the love of his life. If that fails, ask your brother, a medical doctor, if he can help persuade your husband to see a neurologist. Best of luck to you and your family.