Dear Annie: I am a 58-year-old woman who shares a split-level house with my adult son, “Brad.” Brad lives downstairs in what is essentially a separate two-bedroom apartment with his 10-year-old daughter, although it’s technically one unit. Brad and I split the rent evenly.
Last year, my mother was dying, and I went to stay with her for some time to say goodbye. When I returned home, I found that my ex-husband, “Lester,” was living with my son with our son and granddaughter.
Apparently, Brad nd his daughter invited Lester to visit while I was away. Well, six months later, he is still living there with them. Lester is not a nice person. We were married for 16 years.
I asked Brad to ask Lester to leave. He refuses, saying that he feels bad telling him to go. I have asked Lester to leave, and he laughs at me. He says, “This is my son’s house.”
What should I do? – Put Out
Dear Put Out: It’s bad enough that your son invited a long-term guest to stay at the house you two share without first checking with you. It’s even worse that the surprise guest is your ex.
Implore your son to try seeing your side of things. Ask him to imagine how he’d feel if you invited his ex to live with you. There’s no reason he needs to be at the home that you two agreed to share together, as mutually respectful roommates.
If he doesn’t budge, take a look at your lease. There’s a good chance that there’s a clause regarding long-term guests. Consider going to the landlord or property manager about the issue.
Dear Annie: I’ve been seeing my friend for four years. We’re technically just friends, but there has always been a romantic tension between us. I do call him pet names, and he does the same to me. He’s always insisting that we’re not together. Yet, if I tell him that I’m going on a date, he gets upset. I have no idea what to call our relationship. I just need him to tell me what this is. – Lonely
Dear Lonely: I’d call it a con job. He’s using you for validation, to feel attracted and wanted, yet he refuses to commit to you after four years. Stop seeing him.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to firstname.lastname@example.org.
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