Miss Manners 4/23

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am to meet with representatives of a company to discuss our hiring them for a project. While reviewing their website, I discovered three typos.

I honestly believe they would want to know of these errors, and, frankly, as when you notice food in someone’s teeth, I have a strong urge to tell them. But I fear that mentioning it at the start of the meeting would get things off on the wrong foot, and mentioning it at the end would leave a sour taste. If we hired them, we would be working closely with them on the project. Suggestions?

GENTLE READER: How about the middle? Not only should this company want to have that information, but also it will be a factor in your hiring them to represent you.

Miss Manners suggests, “We are impressed with your credentials and think you are a strong candidate for working with us. However, you should know that we pay close attention to detail, and we did find a few errors on your website, which you will probably want to correct.”

How they handle this candor, and whether they accept – and act upon – your feedback, will go a long way toward telling you if this is a company with whom you will want to work.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is the rule still in effect that women outrank men socially unless one has an otherwise higher status? If so, where do nonbinary people (aka enbies) rank? Would I serve female guests first, then enbies, then finally men?

GENTLE READER: This system of ranking does get unnecessarily nosy and complicated in modern society, does it not? In serving situations, Miss Manners therefore suggests switching to ranking by age, starting with the eldest. This might likely garner protests of profiling and reverse ageism, but she trusts that those who are most directly affected will wisely be grateful for the punctual drinks and appropriately temperatured food.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I agreed to be a bridesmaid for my sister-in-law long before the pandemic. If she insists on having the wedding before we’re all vaccinated, and I choose to withdraw my participation, should I also return the bridesmaid’s gift (jewelry) she gave me over a year ago?

GENTLE READER: You should offer it, with your sincerest apologies. If the bride is gracious, she will understand and decline. Either way, Miss Manners suggests that you resist the temptation to accompany the offer with a lecture. However deserved it might be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I receive a gift card in person from someone, is it proper to just look at the card and acknowledge where it is from? Is it tacky to check the amount? I never quite know what to do, so I just thank the giver for the card without acknowledging the amount.

GENTLE READER: As one should. Sometimes, Miss Manners has found, givers cannot help themselves and will spontaneously blurt out the amount. But if they do not, you can always look it up when you get home to avoid an awkward fumble at the store’s checkout. If you find that it is significantly more than you expected – and the amount of thanks that you expressed at the time – you can thank them again when you buy something with it.

Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.