Dear Annie 2/23
Dear Annie: I live in a small town with my wife of 33 years. My wife has a large family, most of whom live in the same state as us. Two of her siblings had daughters the same age who grew up like sisters. Last summer, her two nieces came to stay with us for a week while on a break from college. It turned out her nieces were hard-partying, dope-smoking, heavy-drinking types.
One day, while my wife was at work and I was working from home, they got me to party with them. We got pretty wasted and ended up all hooking up. The same thing happened the very next day. I know they liked seducing their aunt’s husband, and I had a mind-blowing experience.
I assumed they were old enough to be discreet, but they weren’t. A few weeks later one of them told another family member, and the news made it back to my wife. My wife was beyond upset. She told me to move out, but I refused. Since then, she has made my life a living hell.
I never wanted to destroy our marriage, but the allure of two young women is a fantasy most men cannot refuse. I never believed two sexual exploits could destroy my marriage of 33 years. I am not seeing a way to fix this. Any suggestions? – Regretful
Dear Regretful: There are so many layers of wrongness here that I don’t even know where to begin. You cheated on your wife. Twice. And the cherry on this creeptastic cake: You cheated on her with your nieces. (Yes, they are your nieces, too, even if not by blood.) What you did was profoundly hurtful, no matter which way you slice it.
I usually tell partners working past infidelity to try couples counseling. But for that to work, the cheater actually has to feel remorse – and despite your letter’s signature, it seems like the only thing you regret is getting caught. My only advice is to honor her wishes and pack your bags.
Dear Annie: My sister is relatively young (early 60s) but lives in a nursing home. For months now, she has not been allowed to leave her room except to shower. She was put in a room that has no phone. After she’d been there for a month, I called and the front desk told me that she’d be allowed visitors in a week or two. I waited two weeks, and called again, and they said she still wasn’t allowed visits. I am allowed to drop things off, and last week I noticed that one of the residents was in the lobby. I asked an employee what was up with that, and the employee said that residents are allowed to go outside for cigarette breaks, supervised.
At this point I feel that the nursing home administrators are not telling the truth. If they can leave their rooms to go outside, then certainly they can have a visitor, even if just through a glass window, right? – Miss My Sis
Dear Miss My Sis: Trust your gut. While the coronavirus pandemic has necessitated restrictions, you should still be allowed phone calls with your sister at the very least. It sounds like her facility might not be on the up and up. Reach out to them in writing to log your complaints, so that you have a paper trail. Then see if a long-term care ombudsman can intervene. You can locate ombudsmen at https://theconsumervoice.org/get_help.
“Ask Me Anything: A Year of Advice From Dear Annie” is out now! Annie Lane’s debut book – featuring favorite columns on love, friendship, family and etiquette – is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.