Miss Manners 1/29

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I’m trying to figure out why “Karen” has become a name to use when talking about someone perceived as either out of control or a nasty person. I always thought of Karen as a pretty name and now it’s being used to make fun of people.

I have a few friends who have that as their name, and I feel for them. Some of my other friends have used it that way, and I’ve emailed them and gently told them it wasn’t a nice thing to do, as I know a lot of Karens who are really nice people.

I do realize I probably should not be playing the role of grammar police, especially with friends. So is there a way to politely ask people not to use “Karen” that way?

And while I’m at it, the “OMG” thing is driving me nuts, too. If it’s friends, I just let it go, but when an advertiser does it, I write to them to let them know I find it offensive to be taking the name of my God in vain.

And then I get two-faced about it and complain that too many people take offense at too many things.

GENTLE READER: There is a difference, Miss Manners assures you, between policing grammar and defending friends. The next time a Karen’s name is taken in vain, you may say, “Of course not our Karen; she is lovely.” And if you count G-d amongst your intimates, the same tactic (“not my G-d”) may well work for them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: First, if I’m writing a letter and would once have addressed the recipient as “Sir/Ma’am,” what is the politically correct current form?

Second, when addressing a letter to Sandy Bailey, CEO, ABC Company, I actually wrote “Mr./Mrs. Bailey.” What is the current politically correct form?

I KNOW you are one of the snootier P.C. people in the world – so you know the answers.

GENTLE READER: A compliment that Miss Manners will happily accept over their less appealing cousins, “shoddy” and “marginalizing.”

First, Miss Manners suggests a return to the form, “To Whom It May Concern.” If you truly do not know whom you are addressing, this covers all genders and titles.

Second, she suggests that you help pioneer and adopt the French “M—,” so frequently found in guest response cards (it will hardly be missed since these cards are usually thrown away anyway) where the gender identity is supposed to be filled in by the recipient. Just leave out the dash and add a period, and we have ourselves a neutral honorific.

As you are aware, there are just too many possibilities from which to guess if one is unsure – and the resulting insult too great a risk if one guesses wrong. Although Miss Manners will continue her campaign to ask for indulgence when it does inevitably happen.

Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.