Dear Annie 7/5

Dear Annie: My best friend of 15 years and I entered into a romantic relationship in March of last year. It was a nightmare from almost the very beginning. There were faults and failures on both sides, but, ultimately, it ended when it came to light that he had not only been cheating but also gotten the other girl pregnant!

The breakup has left me very confused and deeply hurt and traumatized. I miss my best friend. We’ve had no contact for more than a month now, but lately the urge to reach out to him has been overwhelming. Is it better to leave things? Is reaching out a bad idea? – Missing My Best Friend

Dear MMBF: Wounds can get itchy when they’re healing. That doesn’t mean we should scratch them. The longing you feel is an itch that shouldn’t be scratched. Take time to mend and focus on your own mental health and personal development.

When you feel yourself wanting to reach out to him, reach out to another friend instead. It won’t be easy, but it will get a little bit easier every day.

Dear Annie: The world is full of self-righteous people. I have a few strategies to avoid becoming one.

First, I have learned that being empathetic and a good listener goes a long way, not just in conflicts but in everyday life. When a friend is venting about a problem, don’t interrupt. Take a deep breath. Just listening will be much more helpful to them than armchair diagnoses.

Second, I forgive myself and others in my life every day. I will myself to do so even when I don’t feel like it.

And, lastly, I have a sign on my desk that I look at before I call anyone about anything. It says, in big bold type, “NO ‘YOU’ STATEMENTS.” I invite all to do the same. – Big T.

Dear Big T.: Thanks for the thoughtful tips.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.