Dear Annie 3/13

Dear Annie: My sisters and I always took turns having the family Christmas at our respective houses. Six years ago, it was my turn to be the hostess. I was in the kitchen all morning cooking. As everyone arrived and was going through the buffet line, I noticed no one was taking much food. Some were not even getting a plate. I asked why my daughter wasn’t eating anything. She said she ate too much at my older sister’s earlier. I felt like a train hit me. My sister said she just “ended up” having a brunch at her house for whoever wanted to stop by to pick up extra gifts. It turns out that she cooked a whole spread. She had invited our entire family except my husband and me.

I was pretty upset and said, “Well if I’d known you were going to have something at noon, we would have just came to your house, too, and I wouldn’t have spent the time all morning cooking and preparing for everyone to come here.” She said, “Well, that’s why I didn’t tell you because I knew you would be mad.”

She didn’t apologize and ended up leaving shortly after by going to get her and my brother-in-law’s coats and waving a Merry Christmas, saying they had to be somewhere and left. My Christmas was ruined.

All I can gather is that she moved into a condo earlier in the year and wanted to have everyone for Christmas. Had she asked to host, then I gladly would’ve let her.

Since then, I’ve hardly seen my sister. She started “forgetting” my birthdays. She still kept in touch with my daughters, and her husband and daughter have come to my house for get-togethers. But she always says she’s too busy.

I’d just like to know what you think about what happened. Was I being overly sensitive about the Christmas meal? Obviously, she never intends to apologize for the disaster, and I’m sure it’s too late now anyway. I just wonder what an outsider would think. – Sidelined Sister

Dear Sidelined: Your sister might never apologize, but you can still forgive her. Do it for your own sake. Write a letter expressing how hurt you’ve been by her actions over the last six years. Then write another letter expressing how you love her anyway. Don’t mail either of them. Treat it as a therapeutic exercise to process your feelings and air frustrations.

Then try reaching out to her. Express how you’ve felt sad that she hasn’t been in your life much these past few years and that you’d like to change that. Let’s hope that ice between you two will start to melt. You’re sisters, and it would be a sin to let one holiday meal ruin your relationship for the rest of your life.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.