Miss Manners 3/15

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Before the pandemic, I attended, along with a few other colleagues, a casual dinner party hosted by my boss. The six of us were gathered around the kitchen island enjoying hors d’oeuvres and wine. I was drinking a glass of red.

My boss placed onto the island our buffet-style meal, including a bubbling macaroni-and-cheese casserole hot from the oven.

Just then, as I took a sip of wine, my boss said something hilarious. I instantly laughed, as did everyone else, but I spewed droplets of red wine onto the macaroni and cheese.

My boss did not see it, but I’m pretty sure others did. I took a clean tissue and quickly dabbed my spit droplets from the casserole’s top. Some attendees saw me do this, others did not.

What should I have done? Announced my gaffe and removed the casserole entirely from the menu? Refrained from macaroni blotting?

I feel that my question bears weight, especially when our society moves back toward socializing without masks.

GENTLE READER: Not a good idea, especially if you and your funny boss are around. Before the pandemic, this is the sort of blameless gaffe for which you should have delivered a hilarious confession that would make everyone sympathize with you.

Schadenfreude would have kicked in, and some people would have said that a little wine didn’t hurt, while others would have just skipped that dish.

Your other choice would have been to change your name and move to another country, taking the offending macaroni bowl with you.

But we have all learned a different standard of hygiene, and nobody is going to laugh at what would now be considered a deadly weapon.

Please do not let this happen again. If it did, you would have to make an abject confession to your boss, insist on ordering rapid takeout, and polish your resume.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I are blessed with a wonderful family. The problem is that one of our kids likes to give us outsized books as gifts.

These are NOT coffee-table size: The latest is 20 pounds. These books are on subjects that we enjoy, but it’s just not comfortable to read them. What would you advise?

GENTLE READER: An idea for your children on the next occasion that they want to give you a present: a lectern, with adjustable height, so that you can use it while seated or standing. Meanwhile, if you have a sturdy music stand around, try that. (Total disclosure: Miss Manners has art books like that. She reads them on the floor.)

If you just want smaller books, she suggests talking enthusiastically with the givers about the subject matter or an illustration, and volunteering to show it to them. Then you say, “But would you mind holding it for me, please, as it’s too heavy for me to manage.”

Send your questions to Miss Manners at her website missmanners.com.