Dear Annie 5/17

Dear Annie: I met my husband in junior high and chased him for many of our teen years and even into early adulthood. One day, out of the blue, he sent me a message. I replied, and we talked every day – and night – for months. At that time, I was living in Cincinnati, and he was in our hometown of Toledo.

A mutual friend had passed away, so we decided to go to the funeral together. I drove from Cincinnati to Toledo and picked him up. We ended up spending the weekend together. I went back home on Monday and ended up moving back to Toledo on Tuesday. Everything was perfect. He had asked me to marry him, and we got married.

He is the most loving, caring and hardworking man I know. Nothing could go wrong, so I thought.

But then, in September, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Since then, I feel so alone, and it is as if he isn’t here anymore. We barely cuddle or talk anymore. It makes me ask if he even loves me anymore. Is he seeing someone else? Or is he scared? He normally never acts like this, so I am confused and hurt. – Confused Cancer Patient Totally in Love

Dear Confused: I’m sorry to hear about your health issues, and that you’re experiencing feeling alone right now. Yes, your husband is probably very scared and does not know how to handle his feelings. Sometimes, when people don’t know how to handle negative emotions, they choose to push others away. If he acts like he doesn’t care about you or tries to put space between you two, he mistakenly thinks that then he won’t feel as bad if he loses you. He is repressing his feelings by going on the offensive and pushing you away.

Seek the help of a professional therapist, or perhaps a group at the hospital, who could help you both deal with this very difficult time in your life.

While your husband gets himself together (with a trained professional), continue to lean on other friends and family who will support you. Wishing you a very speedy recovery.

Dear Annie: On occasion, I see letters from readers who are at a loss because family or friends have shut them out of their lives.

This has happened to both my wife and myself. My wife was cut off by two of her nieces, simply because she voted for the “wrong” person in the 2016 presidential election.

A friend of mine, who I rode motorcycles with, also shut me out of his life when he found out that during this last election, I voted for the “other guy.”

We have both moved on since this rejection from family members and my former friend.

For me, it was a matter of forgiving my former friend and also forgiving myself. In doing so, I was able to accept the decision that my friend had made regarding severing our friendship. And by forgiving myself, I also realized that I was not to blame. When I voted in the last election, I did not cast my vote to make my former friend angry with me; I voted for the presidential candidate that I thought was the best person for the job. I still feel that way.

Finally, when I chose to forgive my former motorcycle riding partner and myself, three things happened. First, I was able to move forward with my life. I continue to ride my motorcycle and have enjoyed doing so ever since. Secondly, I identified an individual who was unable to accept me for the individual who I am. I realize that it is important to be accepted for the person that I am. And, finally, I find that I have developed a greater appreciation for the friends and family who are currently in my life. I no longer take their friendship, or the closeness of family, for granted. – Another Point of View

Dear Another Point of View: Forgiving others and yourself are two very powerful actions. Congratulations on your ability to do that.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.