Dear Annie 2/7
Dear Annie: I am 29 years old, and the guy I’ve been seeing is in his early 30s. The issue that I’m having is that he has no ambition. I’m ready to move forward, but everything seems to be stagnant.
He complains about money, yet when I tell him about jobs with higher pay and greater benefits, he’ll be on board in our conversation but then he never pursues any of the leads.
He also spends a lot of money on smoking. If he would cut back on the herb, he could put the money elsewhere. He is quick to get angry if he feels that I am judging him when in reality I am trying to help him.
He always has excuses. For instance, when it comes to house hunting, he wants me to do all the work so that all he has to do is pack up and move into the new house. When I bring up discussions about credit or tackling important issues in his life, he says that it’s too much to discuss at the moment.
He always says, “Let’s talk about it later” and then continues to play video games or watch TV. I am resenting him because he’s not the person I thought he was. My desire for intimacy is zero. I’m in a place where I am getting my life together in all aspects. I’ve been through a lot, so I’m finding myself, but with me being on this journey, I might lose the relationship.
My choices are limited if he doesn’t get it together. I’m tired of helping and getting my hand slapped just to hear him complain where I’ve already given him options. I’m not sure if I want this relationship anymore. – Indecisive
Dear Indecisive: While your intentions are in the right place, and you want to help your boyfriend, it sounds like he doesn’t want to help himself. To paraphrase an old expression, “Teach a man to fish and he can eat for a lifetime; give him a fish and he can eat for a day.” It sounds like he just wants you to give him a fish.It could be he is depressed and unhappy and needs help.
Regardless of what is going on with your boyfriend, the question is do the pros outweigh the cons? Judging from the last paragraph of your letter, I’m not sure how “indecisive” you are. I think you have made up your mind and that you want out of this relationship, at least with the person who he is today.
That is not to say that if you break up and he gets his life together, you can’t get back with him. But until then, it’s time for you to take care of you and continue getting your life in a good place.
Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.