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The Spokesman-Review Newspaper
Spokane, Washington  Est. May 19, 1883

Dear Annie 7/21

By Annie Lane Creators Syndicate

Dear Annie: Last weekend, my beloved sister died from Alzheimer’s after a very long, difficult and painful decline. I was her sole caretaker for the past three years because my other sisters live too far away to help. I was with my sister up until the moment she died, working with hospice to try to make it easier for her and communicating her passing to my other sisters, who also loved her very much.

Now my other sisters and I have decided we would like to hold a memorial service for her back in our hometown, where her ashes can be buried with my parents. However, one of my other sisters and I differ on the timing, and we have gotten into a horrible fight over it.

She wants to wait a full year to have a service on my sister’s birthday on June 25, 2023, because it’s easier and less expensive for her family to attend. I think that’s too late. I think people, including her dear friends back in our home state, will have moved on by then. I think people will wonder why we haven’t done anything for her. Plus, I have been grieving her for three years as the disease progressed, and I need closure. I have told my sister I am open to having the service anytime in the next six months, and I can help pay her airfare if she can’t afford a ticket right now. I think her position is unreasonable. – Still Grieving

Dear Still Grieving: I agree. She is being unreasonable. After a long and painful three years, you especially – as well as the rest of your family – deserve closure in order to honor your sister’s memory. You have been the caretaker, and you make many good points about why you need a memorial soon.

However, I would suggest that you try to accommodate your other sister by having two ceremonies. Plan a service now, for sure, and then work with her to plan a memorial next yearand the one-year anniversary of her passing.

Point out to your sister that the memorial a year from now is something you can work together in planning and organizing, so you both make sure that this issue doesn’t drive everyone apart; you need one another now more than ever.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.