Dear Annie 1/3

Dear Annie: I am a 19-year-old woman who can’t stop thinking about this guy, “Charles.” He has been picked on for his appearance, but I think he has pretty eyes and nice hands, plus a knack for singing. But then I found out recently that he is bigoted and has texted other girls, even when he has a girlfriend. Still, he’s always on my mind, despite all the red flags waving. I obviously don’t want a relationship with Charles and wouldn’t feel anything if he got a girlfriend. In fact, I’d be much happier if I never saw or heard from him again.

Despite not liking Charles, I can’t stop looking at him, checking his social media and thinking about him. I don’t think this is a crush because I don’t want to be with him. I don’t want him in my mind; these thoughts are intrusive and unwanted, and they pop up at the most random times, even when I’m out having a good time. Thinking about Charles makes me feel depressed, guilty and nauseous, but I can’t stop doing it.

Even worse, I already have a relationship with someone, “Kevin,” who is 21. We’ve been together for about a year, and he’s absolutely perfect. The thought of leaving or parting ways with Kevin makes me feel sad and scared. I’m so scared of these thoughts, and Kevin himself has even noticed I’ve been feeling more down lately. I’m scared to tell him about these thoughts, and I’m scared of these thoughts to the point where I’ve been crying.

How do I nip these thoughts about Charles in the bud? – Unwanted Thoughts

Dear Unwanted Thoughts: You are not alone. Many people find themselves struggling with similar thoughts. These intrusive thoughts could be indicative of obsessive compulsive disorder. OCD can be manifested by obsessively thinking about someone you don’t want to think about. You should find a good cognitive behavior therapist and keep loving Kevin.

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