Miss Manners: When a sensitive conversation is interrupted

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a cocktail party that was attended by a mix of current friends and people I didn’t know. After making some rounds, I went up to an old friend, Ethan, who was talking to someone I didn’t know, and asked how they were both doing.

The person I didn’t know said, “Excuse me, but Ethan was sharing something very personal with me. Do you mind giving us some time?”

Ethan responded by introducing me: “This is my good friend Mike, who I’ve known for many years.” (He has.) “He is well aware of the relationship issue we were talking about.” (I am.) Then Ethan included me in the conversation.

Still, I felt like perhaps I should have given them some space. Or maybe the new guy was wrong for trying to shoo me away.

Should I have excused myself, or should the new guy have kept his mouth shut?

GENTLE READER: The proper thing to say when someone approaches and inadvertently interrupts a private conversation is a quiet, “To be continued …” But Miss Manners assures you that any shoo-ing or exclusionary tactics are territorial moves and not at all polite.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What’s the proper etiquette if you’ve accidentally pulled into a parking space someone else was waiting for – without realizing they were waiting for it, and honestly without having been reasonably able to see that they were, because they were past it, facing the opposite direction, without a blinker on? And what if they then get out of their car when you do, saying that you stole their spot?

Once I’d parked, it also didn’t feel like their claim on the spot met a threshold for me to put my daughter back in her car seat, jump back in the driver’s seat, pull out and find a different space.

All I could think of to say was, “This was your spot? I didn’t see a blinker on.” I then continued to unload while the gentleman stood there waiting for me to get back in the car.

After thinking about it further, the situation feels similar to when you see available street parking on the opposite side of the road, pull a U-turn to return to it, and find that someone driving along has gotten there before you: frustrating because you saw it first, but not due to any rudeness on the other driver’s part.

If you didn’t back up and signal for the space, can you really claim it’s yours? Or am I rationalizing my own behavior? I also got a disapproving head shake as they entered the establishment after me.

GENTLE READER: “I am so sorry, but I did not see you waiting” is all that is necessary, especially for an innocent mistake. Intimidation tactics, Miss Manners assures you, are never justified. No matter how frustrated the spot claimer may be.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website www.missmanners.com.