Dear Annie: World war wedding

Dear Annie: My son and new wife recently eloped with a small ceremony on a Tuesday (when we all had to take off work), but most of my family was not invited. She invited her parents, grandmother, aunt, uncles, best friend and cousin. But only me, my fiance and my other son were invited on my son’s side.

The bride commented that I would never understand her family dynamics.

She got very angry that I told my mother and sisters about their elopement/wedding, even though my family wasn’t invited to the wedding. She wanted to keep it a secret and then announce their wedding at my sister’s wedding. I told them not to because that is my sister’s day to celebrate.

Needless to say, WWIII broke out. How can this be managed? She is already alienating me from my son, who ghosted my last text to him. – Unwelcome at the Wedding

Dear Unwelcome: If your daughter-in-law wanted the wedding to be a secret, she probably should have communicated that with you earlier. Yes, it’s her day, but she can’t expect you to read her mind on this one. I’d tell her you’re sorry for spilling the beans, explain to her that you didn’t know, and then move on. I would also tell her that you are grateful to have been there; with such a small guest list, it seems like it was a real honor to make the cut.

In terms of her plan to announce at your sister’s wedding, you are absolutely right. Why don’t you suggest that she plan a separate family party – or even something casual, like a barbecue or a dinner – to tell everyone the news? If you really want to get on their good side, you could offer to help organize the event.

The last point that I’ll make is that it’s concerning that she’s keeping your son from you. If her controlling behavior continues, I would have a conversation with your son to make sure he isn’t caught in an abusive relationship.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.