That ‘Hail Mary’ Super Bowl pass was a long shot: Sports gambling is best tackled by seasoned pros
Bets. Bets. Bets, anybody?
The American Gaming Association estimated more than $1.7 billion was legally wagered on this year’s Super Bowl. In the end, after that blue and green confetti fluttered, the Seattle Seahawks reveled in rich victory while scores of gamblers cashed in on their own winning plays. Sadly, my sprint for a sliver of that fortune fumbled and fell short … 60 yards shy of the payoff line to be exact.
It just wasn’t in the cards.
I was bit hard by the gambling bug at my brother’s Las Vegas wedding. Lured by the clinking of coins and a slot machine which enticed me with glowing red, white and blue 7s, I was all-in on the glitz and glam. Ding. Ding. Ding. With a glass of wine in one hand and a lever in the other, I cranked that steel bandit into submission until the wee hours of morning, my fingers blackened by filthy nickels. I even dropped the silver dollars my brother gifted me as a wedding favor into that machine. Those slot reels weren’t the only thing spinning. Free booze. Free money. It was a cocktail for disaster.
These days, my casino trips are mostly limited to concert runs. On Super Bowl Sunday, Lady Luck dealt me a nasty itch. Tempted? You betcha. Just prior to kickoff, my husband, Mark, and I decided to make a food run to Airway Heights. Geared in Seahawks shoes, with garish spirit, I suggested we stop by Northern Quest Resort and Casino to place a $5 wager on the big Santa Clara event.
“It will be so crowded. We don’t have time,” he grumbled.
No fan of gambling, Mark is more into sweets and would happily exchange an ace-king hand for a caramel sundae at any blackjack table. He clearly had a different game plan. Namely, rushing back to his comfy home line of scrimmage and sacking on the couch until Taima the Hawk soared back to Seattle. I flagged Mark for poor sportsmanship and pleaded my case. After all, we were just a few yards downfield from the action. Hoping to score a few extra points, he caved in.
The house clearly had this edge.
An underdog at sports wagering, my knowledge of football and the Seahawks is sketchy at best. Let’s just say I would not qualify for VIP seating as a 12th Man at Lumen Field. Knowing Seattle was favored to win, I uttered the unthinkable: “Maybe we should bet against the Seahawks.” Just the mention of it elicited a wicked red flag. “You can’t do that!” Mark blasted. Yeah, I suppose he was right. It might not jive well with the hometown. Born and raised in Seattle, I was certain to face a lifetime ban for such a blatant act of treason.
At the Turf Club Sports Book, Mark huddled close by as I plotted my betting strategy. With ten pages of choices, it was completely overwhelming. Pluses. Minuses. Point spreads. Scorigamis? Isn’t that a Scrabble thing? Team with longest gross punt. Minutes spent with the lead. Rush yard handicaps. Any player to record an octopus. What in the world was an octopus? I thought I was betting on football, not Olympic swimming!
Who comes up with this stuff?
After spotting a selection which read, “Any QB to throw 60+ yard TD pass,” I did a quick Google search. AI defined it as a “Hail Mary” type of scenario. Good enough for me. I walked up to the counter and placed a $5 bet.
“That’s a pretty nice return on five bucks,” said the Northern Quest employee, thus confirming my own crude math calculation of $330 for a win.
As we exited the casino, I glanced down at the ticket and noticed my payout for that phenomenal touchdown pass would total just $33. I felt like a poker player who had lost her home to a royal flush.
Back at Seahawks couch central, I watched and waited. By the fourth quarter, my “Hail Mary” pass seemed less likely than the return of free drinks, cheap buffets and coin slots in Las Vegas strip hotels. I might have fared better wagering on favorite uniform numbers. When that yellow Gatorade dumped, (yep, you can bet on the color of that too), I was $5 poorer and still had no clue as to what an octopus was. None the wiser after this crap shoot, odds are I’ll be back to roll those dice again for Super Bowl LXI. You can bet on it.
Cynthia Reugh can be reached at cynthia13048@gmail.com.