Do you need a prenup for your paint colors?

A major home renovation can be hard on a relationship. The process includes such classic argument starters as ever-expanding timelines and budgets, choosing from a vast assortment of colors and materials, agreeing on a general vision and aesthetic and the awkward dance of managing a team of strangers making a mess of your primary bathroom.

So we asked experts – interior designers and contractors, marriage counselors and therapists – for tips on how to protect a relationship during a renovation.

And don’t forget rule No. 1, said Alex Ushyarov, a partner in Gallery KBNY, a New York City design and build firm: If you are having serious marital problems, “you probably shouldn’t embark on a renovation. It’s not going to be good for anyone,” he said.

Talk about everything, especially money

Aim for communication at every step of the process, starting with whether you really want or need to do a renovation at all, said Elizabeth Earnshaw, a licensed marriage therapist in Philadelphia.

In her experience, said Earnshaw, one of the partners is typically not fully invested in the process, and instead, “they just go along with it.”

Partners may also disagree on everything from who to hire to whether they prefer a midcentury modern vibe or farmhouse. Earnshaw said that the best way to navigate these kinds of discussions is by “allowing the other person to express their concern.”

Earnshaw recommends that couples also come to an agreement on whether it is the best time (as in, not when someone is caring for a sick parent), or the best use of their money.

Budget is the very first thing Houston interior designer Mary Patton brings up with potential clients, and couples should be discussing it well before they come to her, she said.

“How much can you spend? Like that’s the ultimate question,” she said, “And then we go backward from there.”

Arianne Bellizaire, an interior designer in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, said that it is also critical to agree on a hard finish line before adding new tasks – especially if you are doing the work yourselves.

“That’s where you get the money pit,” she said. “That’s when you get to three years of it’s never finished, it’s a half-painted wall, you ripped out the cabinet, you never put it back.”

Go on a fact-finding mission

Ushyarov advises couples go on a general “fact-finding mission” together before they begin. In his experience, most conflicts arise when both parties haven’t taken the time to fully educate themselves on all the steps and all the pitfalls.

And if a designer or contractor won’t take the time to talk you through those issues before you pay them, he said, “it’s kind of a good sign not to go with them.”

You should make sure you and your partner have good chemistry with this professional too, said Irina Firstein, a licensed therapist and marriage counselor in New York, who has lived through many renovations with her husband. “You will have an intense relationship for the duration of the project and beyond,” she said.

Hannah Goldberg, an interior designer in Washington, D.C., said that researching and planning how you live without a bathroom, bedroom or kitchen can also reduce friction. She often helps people set up temporary kitchens or plan through a new routine.

“Where are you making your coffee?” said Goldberg. “You don’t want to eat out every night for a month on end.”

Choose a captain

Ushyarov recommends choosing one person to handle the day-to-day communication with a designer or contractor as the project progresses.

It’s more efficient and helps eliminate conflicting input, he said, but it also helps you avoid arguing in public, or worse, when one person is “humiliated,” he said.

Patton also suggested getting sign-off from the non-captain on decisions, even if they insist that they don’t care. “It’s like a prenuptial agreement about paint colors,” she said.

Let the pro mediate your arguments

“One of the stressful parts of renovation is that you have to make many, many choices,” said Firstein, referring to selections on hardware, sinks or tiles. Many require visits together to retail stores.

“If you can’t decide on the choices, ask your contractor for an opinion,” she said.

Hill Rondero, the head of Ro House Studio in Charlotte, North Carolina, said that most interior designers have been trained to help multiple parties find an elegant compromise.

Rondero said that if she had one client who really wanted a green sofa and another that did not, she might suggest a linen sofa and green chairs, and then pick up a little more of the green with some strategically placed artwork.

“Now both people feel like, ‘Oh, this does feel like the room that I thought it was,’ ” she said.

If you are doing the work yourselves, you can also nominate one person to be the tiebreaker on these kinds of choices, said Bellizaire.

“That is how you can stay partners who are in love who will actually live in the house after you finish with a renovation,” she said.

Remember, it’s just a renovation

Earnshaw said it was helpful to remember that stress – because of dust, noise, decisions and delays – causes a real physiological response, and you should take steps to manage it.

“If you are not paying attention to that stress, you might become more withdrawn and aggressive to your partner,” she said.

Rondero said she usually tries making people laugh when things get tense or awkward. “If your biggest problem is that you can’t get the sofa or you can’t get the tile that you want, I think that’s OK.”

She also said having a good bottle of wine or tequila on hand for nights or weekends wasn’t the worst idea either.

“It’s stressful, but gosh, if you’re not enjoying it at the end of a day, what’s it all for?” she said.

This article originally appeared in The New York Times.