Archive for July 2014
1) Lower energy costs.
2) You are less apt to obsess about people opening the front or back door 552 times a day and letting in baked air.
Do people who are now South Hill residents but who went to Shadle or NC ever find themselves pointedly alluding to their high school days when they sense someone is about to start bashing the North Side?
Care to guess what this ad is suggesting? I realize the text is unreadable. But I don't think that's key to understanding the message.
Of course, not. No one does.
But if you had to have one, you could do worse than listening to a live performance of this song and enjoying the early-70s hair.
The Slice column that will appear in Friday's paper deals with some problems I am having with mail delivery at home.
It's not a bitter screed. But you can judge for yourself tomorrow.
I wrote it on Monday, which is my deadline for Fridays.
But by the middle of this week, the post office was in the news because of a South Hill carrier stealing or at least not delivering mail. I'm pretty sure this is unrelated to my problem. But now there is every possibility that my column tomorrow will look like clueless piling on. Which I hate.
And I can't wait for Totaltool55 or Dmbphukboy to post an online comment saying, “Don't you read your own paper?”
After opening, click on “Dressed To Kill Tour (KISS)” at the top.
Where were you in the spring of 1975?
A reader who had seen a reference in my column to families surviving home-remodeling passed along a story culminating in the birth of his daughter in 2003.
I won't rehash the whole thing, but it was unusual enough that the S-R wrote about it.
And here's the thing. The guy telling me all this said he was pretty sure Virginia DeLeon was the reporter who wrote the story, and Virginia is now a teacher at that kid's school. Neat, huh?
I always liked Virginia. I saw her for the first time in years at Riverfront Park about six weeks ago. But I was actually working on a story at that very moment and I am sure I seemed distant and distracted. I suspect it was no big deal to Virginia, but it bothered me when I thought about it later.
But here, dumped in my lap, was a column item in which I could mention my old colleague and perhaps praise her in passing.
So I looked up that story on the 2003 birth. And it was written by Carla K. Johnson.
Yes, 2004. You missed it.
But I love lists that mention Spokane.
And here's Jim Kershner's review.
…someone at a grocery store will buy ice cream on an impulse and then try to get home before it melts even though there is no ice chest or thermo-insulated bag in the car.
Personally, I think Jim Brown had a better chance in “The Dirty Dozen.”
He was in TV's “Wagon Train” and appeared in the movie “Psycho.” And lots of other stuff. He was even in a “Twilight Zone.”
Check out this program.
…the flagship public university does not field an intercollegiate football team.
There is a Spokane Avenue in Detroit.
Not to mention the one in Chicago.
(Referred to here in the directions to the clinic.)
She seems like a great kid. Practically all grown up though. Has three younger siblings now.
And in case you want to hear the song…
How would you feel if the S-R devoted zero space to national and international news?
I have stood at William Faulkner's grave but I don't think I ever finished reading one of his big novels.
OK, your turn.
I have an autograph from one player on each of these teams.
Are there any situations where flipping off another driver in traffic is not just pointless, immature, low-class, potentially road-rage inciting and possibly a gross misinterpretation of events but is, in fact, a socially corrective expression of mild frontier justice saying “I clearly saw what you did and here is what I think of the choice you made”?
Is that covered by the “wife” commandment or are we free to regard thy neighbor's midday meal with naked longing?
This year's series starts a week from today on HBO.
I would argue that this show is 10 times more entertaining than an actual NFL game.
I got hooked a few years ago when the New York Jets head coach was watching a drill and said something like “No. 74 is terrible. He's just awful.”
No. 74, undoubtedly a star in college, was soon asked to hand in his play book.
The NFL likes to present itself as a happiness factory populated by model citizens. But even if it can be a bit too impressed, “Hard Knocks” offers a glimpse of the cutthroat competition at training camp.
You don't have to love football to enjoy watching people compete in a realm where lawyers, spin doctors or PR specialists can't help them if they don't make it on the field.
This is from today's date in 1997. Scroll down to the item, “Fan mail from a flounder.”
My older sister graduated from high school eight years before I did.
Our lives moved in different orbits. But one time there was an odd crossover.
My seventh grade football coach had been a classmate of hers. When he discovered that I was her brother, he wanted to know all about where she was, what she was doing, et cetera.
It was a little weird.
Anyway, he instructed me to tell her that he had said hello.
At some point, I must have done that. Because I still remember how amused my sister was that this guy was now a teacher and a coach. Apparently she had not been overly impressed with him as a teenager.
I cannot remember how I relayed this to my football coach. But I assume I was smart enough to lie.
Or maybe I just never said a thing.
Re: that opening…
…had a daily briefs roundup headed “Local Losers in Action”?
Well, how about “Alleged Local Losers in Action”?
Watch this space for news about meetings.
…Mark Rypien gets asked what he thinks about the Washington Redskins name controversy.
One possibility comes to mind.
Most of us know how to do it when the other person is also an adult.
You know, firm but not too firm. One pump and you're out. Et cetera.
But what if the person wanting to shake with you is about four years old and has tiny hands?
Do you envelop the child's whole hand? Do you extend a couple of fingers for the youth to grasp? Switch to a fist-bump?
I would prefer to abide by a live-and-let-live policy.
But the wasps that have built a nest above our garage doors will not listen to reason. And clearly, they have no collective memory of last summer's conflict. (It did not go well for them.)
The nest is integrated into some crack in the eave. It cannot simply be knocked down.
So I had to spray.
Here are the active ingredients, as listed on the can.
*Contains petroleum distillates
You know how you can find yourself glancing at decals and stickers on the back of the vehicle ahead of you at a traffic light?
Sure. And sometimes you can imagine a conversation with the driver based on the information before you.
Well, here's my ranking of what does or does not make you wish you could say something. You will notice I left politics out of this.
4. License plate for a far-away state where you used to live. (Bonus points if it is a small state.)
3. College sticker for a far-away school at which a member of your family matriculated. (Bonus points if it is a college known for something other than sports.)
2. License plate holder or other indication that the vehicle was purchased at a dealership in a distant city where you once lived. (This trumps out-of-state license plates because it is much more geographically specific.)
1. A sticker for a far-away national park you love.
Be within earshot of a summer intern noting that she had come across a story you wrote for the paper before she was born.
Five years before she was born.
I guess that headline would be considered click-bait as I am sure some readers came here hoping for a cat photo.
But actually I was thinking about something else entirely.
Did you ever read Ann Landers in the paper as a little kid and occasionally wonder what in the heck she was talking about?
You might have suspected it was something dirty. But you didn't really know.
What might have happened to the guys in “Easy Rider” while here?
Seriously, you can stop sending me these stories now. I am aware of this.
It's worth keeping in mind that China is far away.
This is what it's like. One big dance party.
What's it like where you are?
In your opinion, what was the biggest difference between TV's “Cheers” and most real bars?
Some of those said to be doing that in response to a certain development or event were actually cremated after their deaths.
See the photo.
Do you recall his proposed solution to the war in Vietnam?
Here's a bit about him.
This is from an old ad for aluminum cans. But here's a question. If he is going to tackle her, shouldn't he at least look at her?
It's about 4/5 of the way in.
Hope they are all happy and healthy.
From this date in 2010.
When exiting the newspaper building out the back, I like to check out the Knitting Factory marquee to see what shows I won't be attending in the near future.
If that makes me sound like an old fogey, I can live with it.
This afternoon, one listing caught my eye.
Friday, Aug. 1 — Wolfmother.
Darn it all, I have other plans that night.
…would we resist?
Which neighborhood would put up the stiffest resistance?
…what would the text say?
The best? Nominations are now being accepted.
After opening, scroll down to July 24, 1974. Maybe Nixon should have just stayed in Spokane.
Though I don't suppose they talked like that in 1955. They probably just said “Our advertisers want us to attract readers who have money.”
I was riding my bike home from work yesterday afternoon when I passed a house near Comstock Park from which recorded music could be heard.
One passage got stuck in my head. If you have the patience, I would invite you to guess which passage.
Do find that pop songs you dismissed way back when can be evocative as hell when you hear them now because of the time in your life they summon to mind?
But I don't suppose that would have occurred to me.
Anyway, let's move on. I've told my Dinah Shore story before.
Here's a bit about E. B. White.
After opening this, put your cursor on the red needle and navigate back in time.
Thanks for all the alerts about revenge of the rodent.
And the guy back by the dart board…where exactly is he looking?
What goes through your mind when you see a cluster of front-yard campaign signs for political candidates you would never support?
A) God, I would hate the people who live there. B) Whatever. C) If I say that I would like to call in an air-strike on that house then I am simply part of the problem. D) How dare those people have their own views. E) They have an absolute right to be idiots. F) Go in peace, to love and serve the lord. G) Other.
This ran on this date in 1996.
A) Always have spare glasses. B) Other.
I would almost consider watching this to see what sort of character Carl Reiner plays.
You'll want that roomy crotch because you never know when you might need to kick someone in the head.
Perhaps you recall those outfits.
I read somewhere and found myself agreeing that this had a real garage-band sound.
73.) In “Shane,” Chris Calloway (Ben Johnson) appears out at the ranch and warns Shane about an upcoming gunfight.
Shane (Alan Ladd) is understandably wary at first, the two men having recently engaged in a knock-down/drag-out fight. But after a bit, Shane realizes Calloway is on the level.
They exchange a few civil words. Then, as Calloway is leaving, they share one of the best moments in movie Westerns.
Calloway (A sincere smile taking over his face): “Be seein' you.”
Sometimes boomerangs kept going straight toward a window or neighbor kid's noggin.
Are they, at long last, now able to go weeks without hearing someone sing “My baloney has a first name…”?
A grandfather and his teenage grandson are watching sports on TV.
A commercial for a phone plan or some damn thing comes on. For about half a second, the image of a young Debbie Harry appears on the screen. The teenage boy perks up.
Grandson: Do you know who that was, Grandpa?
Grandfather: I do indeed. She was the lead singer for a band called Blondie.
Grandson: You had girls like that back then?
Grandfather: We did indeed.
My neighbor's cat intercepted me in the front yard this morning when I went out to get the paper before 5 o'clock.
She wanted a breakfast snack.
I didn't get my nose close enough to her to get a good whiff. But if she had been out all night, I'll bet she smells like smoke.
Can you name the former Spokane TV news anchor who had a scene (playing a TV newsman) in “The Rockford Files”?
…how would you have used your super speed re: Iris West?
I wonder if some of those in other parts of the country who stumble onto news about the wildfires will be forced to update their uninformed assumptions about the Evergreen State's weather.
We all know the list of pros and cons for each choice. To each, his own.
But let me add one more in favor of living in the city — lemonade stands.
I have a little experience with urging people to seek therapy, but I am not actually a counselor myself. However, if I were a therapist, I would urge my clients to patronize kids' lemonade stands at every opportunity. It never fails to lift my spirits, and I'll bet many others feel the same way.
OK, it's not a long-term solution to chronic problems. But what would you expect for 50 cents?
Yes, I realize that this newspaper appears in a movie.
But he pitched for the Spokane Indians in 1965.
Some people didn't like Prince because he seemed strange.
Or maybe it should be Palm Springses.
Did you know that both Yakima and Moses Lake have claimed that title?
Well, at least people putting up signs near each city have at one time or another.
Can't blame Moses Lake as its more traditional nickname isn't a promoter's dream.
Several of my favorite readers live there. Next time I correspond with one of them, I will have to ask how things are in the Palm Springs of Washington. I can hear the answer now.
Or do visitors to this area near Pendleton still hear that it's a scene you should make with your little one?
You probably can't take your eyes off those cars.
Ever been? What sticks out in your memory?
When you were school age, did you ever have a year where you changed a lot between the end of classes in the spring and the start of the next grade in September?
How much of that do you want to see?
A) The amount Q6 had on at 5 today is about all I need. B) Is it essential to telling the story? C) The human body is nothing to be ashamed of. D) I'm still not over the KXLY woman mugging with Sarah Palin and posting a photo on her Facebook page. E) If jiggle news gets to be too much, the viewer is free to avert his or her eyes. F) Other.
On my ride home this afternoon a little dog I have seen countless times decided to bluff-charge me.
He or she shot out the front door, saw me on my bike and took aim.
I wasn't really worried. That proved to be the right reaction. I think the heat distracted the dog before it got close to me.
Anyway, I mentioned that (and the cordial exchange I had with the dog's owner) to my wife when I got home. And she wondered what I could carry with me on the bike to help repel unleashed canines.
At some point, one of us came up with the idea of slathering the bike in the manner alluded to in this post's headline.
WSU's vet school could sell the stuff to the Spokane cycling community, my wife said.
But all I could think of was what a sensory delight riding a bike covered with bear urine might be on a day as hot as today.
What gathering of young people from across the country took place at Farragut State Park at the same time the Apollo 11 mission was underway in July of 1969?
But should have.
“There's this new movie where Scarlett Johansson is given a drug that allows her to use 100 percent of her sweater.”
“Not sweater, brain. It's 100 percent of her brain.”
How do you react?
A) I recognize that the speaker is simply making small talk. B) I ask for strategy suggestions. C) I say “That's what SHE said.” D) I say something equally original such as, “Yeah, you too.” E) I say “What's that got to do with defending liberty?” F) Other.
“What are you having there?”
“What do the Beatles have to do with ice cream on a stick?”
“It's a Beatle bar. They come in a box of four.”
Its detractors tend to be pipsqueaks.
Considering all the varieties of American families in 2014, it seems fair to ask. Who around here will be attending the greatest number of family reunions this summer?
How many pet owners use the verb “slop” when referring to taking care of their animals?
My brother had “The Visible Man.” I think he had a few organs left over when he was done putting it together. Can't recall if any were what you would call “vital.”
I could be wrong about Audrey Hepburn, but I'm pretty sure she came through here during the making of “Always.”
You know, the editorials that offer recommendations on how to vote.
A) I take them with a grain of salt, as I do all political endorsements.
B) Depends on the race.
C) My agenda and the newspaper's agenda are quite different.
D) I would vote for whoever the paper told me to vote for, except I don't vote.
So this doesn't strike me as too much, even if, in the end, it's a commercial.
When you are setting up a first face-to-face meeting with someone at a public place, how do describe the way you look?
The little girl I overheard in the Albertsons on 37th just a few minutes ago might well be the youngest child I have ever heard say “Oh, my God.”
I suspect she first learned to speak this spring.
The mother didn't react. Something tells me she has said that exact thing a few trillion times herself.
Long ago and far away, I got assigned a story about a controversy at a local Catholic church.
It seems so innocent now.
It all started or at least came to a head when, during a Sunday sermon, a priest got annoyed about a crying baby.
Finally, the cleric said, “Will someone stick a banana down that kid's throat.”
The infant's parents did not care for that. And soon accusations were flying that the priest had a drinking problem.
Parishioners wanted him out. The diocese said, essentially, “Yeah, right.”
I can't recall how many stories I wrote about this. Not many. But at some point, I started describing the priest in print as “embattled.”
And so some of my colleagues began asking, “So what's the latest on the embattled Father Curry?”
I can't recall how it played out. But I just did an online search and saw that he died last year. There was no mention of the banana incident in the obit.
Of course, you were not listening to Top 40 in 1979.
If Tennessee Williams had set “A Streetcar Named Desire” in Spokane instead of New Orleans, what would the title of the play have been?
A) “A Streetcar Named Reliability.”
B) “A Streetcar Named Ennui.”
C) “A Streetcar Named Conformity.”
The Home Run Derby at baseball's All-Star game is a ridiculous event.
What did you notice first?
A) The woman. B) The mower. C) Her hat. D) Other.
Do your friends and relatives in other parts of the country assume Washington residents can now buy pot at the grocery store?
When a movie character played by Edward G. Robinson said “Where's your messiah now?” he was addressing some people who spend most of the summer complaining that it's not hot enough.
Here's the question.
Can you whip up your usual weekend fare without turning on the oven?
Nobody was on the fence about this one. At least that's how I remember it.
Most online commenters, even high-volume commenters, are not thrice-divorced.
Ask a colleague if he or she would like to see an entertainingly splenetic piece of hate mail and the answer will always be “Yes.”
Why July 16th?
OK, I'll give you a hint.
What would the text say?
Are 1960s beach movies the reason beings on other planets have not made themselves known to us?
A) Don't fly. B) You might or might not be nuts. C) Captain Kirk needs a drink. D) Some gremlins ought to try a different shampoo. E) Other.
I'm not going to post a youtube version of the “Dr. Zaius” song from “The Simpsons.”
I just listened to it and know it will be stuck in my head all day.
“Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius….”
No reason anyone else has to share that burden.
Did it make an impression on you?
I'm quite sure I have asked that before. But at least once a summer I remember the time one of my aunts took me to Cape May and made a big deal about it.
I hope I was polite enough to seem enthusiastic about it.
…begrudgingly admire the Review Tower?
This is the August, 1969 issue. I was 14 and had a keen interest in short fiction and jazz reviews. And I was an occasional liar.
My family was visiting my grandmother in Whitehall, New York.
I spent most of my time there fishing, watching TV and messing around with NFL football cards.
But one day, while I was in the store where I bought football cards, I got an idea.
“This is for my dad,” I said as I placed the Playboy on the counter.
The scene of the crime.
The store in question, which undoubtedly closed long ago, was in the first floor of one of these buildings.
…people will stop saying that they are shocked something awful could happen in their quiet neighborhood?
I would be interested in anything she has to say about the making of “In the Heat of the Night” and “Shampoo.”
(Have your sound on.)
…which would you regard as a firing offense?
A) Idiocy/astonishingly poor judgment on social media.
B) Parking in a prime space that a customer might have used.
C) Conduct similar to that of the marijuana guy.
D) Never shutting up about vacation plans.
Not sure if she still does.
See the kryptonite cage. A dead giveaway that it's not an Earth cat.
Is Lois about to throw a hook or will she turn that punch into a straight right?
Please answer in the form of a question.
Well, pretending to garden anyway. Ever seen the movie “Greenfingers”?
Ever see a TV commercial so forehead-slappingly offputting that you were actually disappointed that you don't use the product or eat that brand of fast-food, thus depriving you of the pleasure of launching a one-person boycott at that very moment?
A) Don't believe everything you read. B) You are what you eat. C) The Donner Party probably could have used a copy of “To Serve Man.” D) Other.
Here's how the rest of the song in the Heineken commercial goes.
…who had a cigarette inches from your face?
Some of the best, most surprising behind-the-scenes stories in this business are told as answers to “How did you get that shot?”
…what would it be called?
So just how much discussion does hot weather in July actually merit?
Don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting temperatures such as today's should be ignored. That would be strange.
But after you have noted the obvious and swapped a weather-related anecdote or two, what's left to say?
Sportswriters who have spent time in pro-sports locker rooms.
Their matter-of-fact reports on the multifariousness of human anatomy can be fascinating.
A) Don't mess with Talky Tina. D) Don't leave toys on the stairs. C) Don't marry Archer Maggott. D) When a doll tells you it is going to kill you, take heed. E) Other.
Local TV news reporters who delight in ripping the anchor promos run by their own stations.
It's actually been ages since I had that pleasure. But once, in a previous life, I enjoyed hearing a couple of reporters mock a promo campaign featuring an anchor who had zero role in actually covering the news. He just read what was placed in front of him, frowning or smiling as warranted.
But in a promo series airing at the time, he was depicted as this hard-charging newsman out there gathering facts and facing down trembling public officials.
“I think that's the only time in his life he held a notebook,” said one of his less-than-admiring colleagues.
If a grandchild listening to the television asked you that, how would you answer?
Are you inclined to not follow people on Twitter if their photo has a sunglasses and yelling woo-hoo look about it?
Yes, I posted this ad a few years ago. But I think it merits a rerun.
Love to see a guy making good use of a newspaper.
And the woman's expression always makes me wonder what she's thinking. I guess it depends. Is she his wife? The randy widow next door?
…when you see a guy you know slightly and address him by name and get into a small-talk conversation before realizing you were thinking of someone else. But, as luck would have it, both acquaintances have the same first name.
This wonderful memoir offers compelling evidence that you are wrong.
Which is more fun?
Disdaining relatives' film-watching preferences or disdaining co-workers' tastes?
Or maybe simply snorting about box-office numbers?
I was about to make an errands run and had just opened a garage door yesterday when I saw a friend walking by on the sidewalk.
We talked about baseball for a minute. Then I forced him to listen to me describe my recent leg vein surgery.
And we agreed that it was hot. “I'm sweating,” he said.
He is usually accompanied on his walks by a small, personality-plus dog. I asked about her.
Oh, she's home lounging in her wading pool, he said.
Of the three of us, her agenda seemed to make the most sense.
I just don't get it.
But that's fine. We aren't required to have the exact same interests.
Maybe it seemed more like a holiday.
But for some of us, it left less of an opportunity to correct a grocery shopping error.
Have you ever been about to fix some oatmeal and discovered that the two most recently purchased cartons of milk were both chocolate milk?
Sounds impossible, I know. It's not.
At least one line of dairy products sold in Spokane distinguishes its chocolate milk from regular 2% cartons with only a brown patch about the size of a postage stamp.
I've been to a few Civil War battlefields, but never Gettysburg.
My mother, on the other hand, visited the Pennsylvania historical site several times when she was young. Her favorite teacher got married and moved to Gettysburg. And my mother, who lived in southern New Jersey, went to see her a number of times.
On each occasion, they would tour the battlefield.
So yesterday I was asking her what she remembered about the scene of that pivotal battle which culminated on this date in 1863.
While my mother was mulling that, a woman who overheard our conversation volunteered an answer.
What really strikes you, the woman said, is how close to each other the opposing forces were.
I thought about that off and on for the rest of the day.
Have you ever been to the Gettysburg battlefield? What stuck in your memory?
Whenever I see someone in a store studying the list of ingredients on a package of hot dogs, I always want to say…
“I think they use code words now for snouts, hair and hooves.”
What did it take for you to feel OK about hot dogs again after we learned years ago what used to go into them?
The two little boys across the street set up a lemonade stand this morning.
We were their first customers.
(They were honest about that. They didn't go for marketing buzz by saying “Oh, we've been swamped.”)
“How many?” asked one of the lads.
I told him we would each like one cup.
“So that's two,” he said to himself.
Though the price was 25 cents per cup, we paid with a couple of Sacajawea dollars.
The boys' mother explained to her sons that they were special coins.
The older boy noted that he was saving money to acquire a special Lego set.
The lemonade was pretty good, and plenty cold.
Hope they make a million dollars.
A robin in a tree behind our house was singing its head off this morning.
A delightful sound, of course.
My wife wondered how the bird would respond to hearing the recorded call of another robin. (We have a bunch of plush-toy birds that play recordings of the species in question's distinctive call. One of them is a robin.)
So she quietly stepped out back and activated the recording.
The real robin paused for a moment. What was it thinking?
A) What the hell? B) Must be one of those indoor robins. I've heard of them, but hadn't ever seen one before. C) That guy's singing is a little flat. D) Can't understand a word. D) Hey, I'm singin' here. E) What? No way I owe you money. F) Other.