He Loves Meat - She’s A Confirmed Vegetarian… Can This Marriage Be Saved? Meat And Vegetables Can Co-Exist On The Same Dinner Table

Call it a bone of contention. Marriage is, at its heart, a compromise: She likes chocolate, he likes vanilla. She likes the mountains, he likes the beach. She likes Mozart, he likes Meat Loaf.

So they work it out. But how do you work it out when the split strikes at the very center of the household? No, not the bedroom. We’re talking about someplace even more important - the dinner table.

One eats meat. The other doesn’t. How will they ever work that out?

The choice to go vegetarian is as personal as, well, picking a mate.

For some, it’s a question of health. Vegetarians can cite bushels of evidence that health and meat don’t mix. Meat eaters, on the other hand, are usually convinced that vegetarians won’t get enough to eat and will waste away to nothing.

Steve Trower thought so. A confirmed meat eater, he watched the rest of his family give up meat five years ago - first son Todd, then daughter Tish, then his wife, Glenda. Steve was sure they’d all end up skinny rails. But today, his kids are healthy and active teenagers.

“Our teenage son still eats 500 pounds of food a day,” he says.

When Todd was 12, one of his teachers was vegetarian. One day Todd came home and announced he wasn’t eating meat anymore.

His sister, Tish, the family steak lover, had a harder time, but within four months she had joined her brother.

A month later, Glenda crossed over, declaring: “I won’t eat anything I can’t personally kill.”

For Glenda, the issue wasn’t health, but being humane. Raised on a farm in Idaho, her pets were barnyard animals, from chickens to bottle-fed lambs. In the family album, she says, every snapshot of her had an animal lurking in it somewhere.

Still, vegetarianism never entered the picture. “I never considered anybody could just not eat meat,” she says. “Nobody told me it was an option.”

Steve respects her choice, but he’s held his ground. “I’m set in my ways,” he says. “I’m basically a meat and potatoes guy.”

For Catherine Holmes, a meatless diet was a question of health. After a monthlong bout with the flu last winter, she says, “I decided I was going to get healthy.”

But for Catherine, the decision to go vegetarian involved an even more radical change: She had to learn how to cook.

Her husband, John, had done all the cooking for the first 10 years of their marriage. Although he had been cutting back on red meat, he still considered it a natural part of meals and had no intention of abandoning it completely.

“I grew up eating red meat at every meal, breakfast, lunch and dinner,” he says.

Then John, a horticulture consultant, started teaching classes at night. Suddenly Catherine, a college administrator, found herself in the kitchen.

Someone gave her a copy of a popular vegetarian cookbook, “The Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home.” That made all the difference.

“The spices are so intense,” she says. “I hate going out to eat now. Everyone would go vegetarian if they had those recipes. They are so … succulent.”

Catherine dug through the book over and over. She got new pots and pans. For Christmas, she got a wok. She had found a new passion.

“The kitchen is somewhere I like to be now,” she says.

Steve Trower already knew his way around the kitchen. A professional cook, he did a lot of the cooking at home.

“He always liked to fix up his own concoctions,” Glenda Trower says.

Now, his concoctions are likely to be his meat for the day. For herself and the kids, Glenda usually makes dishes that can be adapted: vegetarian chili, meatless spaghetti sauce, stir-fries, macaroni and cheese. Then Steve can add meat to them.

And when Steve works nights, he comes home late and cooks meat when everybody else is asleep. That way, they don’t have to smell it.

“Some smells are stronger than others,” he says. “A steak, when you sear it, smells up the whole house.”

He cleans up after himself when he cooks meat. Still, they’ve considered adapting the Jewish “kosher” concept, setting aside separate dishes just for meat.

“Some of that stuff does linger,” Steve says.

The smell of meat is one adjustment many vegetarians face. At first, meat smells good - and tempting.

To Catherine Holmes, cheeseburgers still smell delicious. Glenda Trower says the hardest smell for her to resist was ham. “But I just have to stop and think where it comes from,” she says.

Learning to eat on the road in a world of meat eaters is also an adjustment.

Catherine still eats fish because it’s so hard to find an all-vegetarian meal in a restaurant. John says convenience is a big reason he’ll never give up meat completely. It’s so much simpler to stop for a fast-food burger at lunch.

Holidays are another factor for the Trowers. Thanksgiving is a “huge event” at their house, but with all the side dishes that go along with the traditional meal, nobody misses the turkey.

“We just have 98 pounds of food instead of 100 pounds,” Steve says.

“He gets a whole turkey to himself - and he eats every bit of it,” adds Glenda. “We just don’t put the turkey on the table.”

For families with children, adjusting to the two-diet family can be tricky. Catherine Holmes thinks it would be harder if she and John had children.

“It would be hard to get kids to eat the stuff we eat,” she says. Teases John: “It’s hard to get me to eat some of the stuff we eat.”

“The world is not set up for vegetarian kids,” Glenda Trower agrees.

Todd is an Eagle Scout, and camping trips were tough. “Camp meals are all meat-centered,” Glenda says.

So she’d send him off with bagels for breakfast and the makings for vegetarian stews that his buddy could mix with meat.

“Now the nonvegetarians envy his breakfast,” she says.

Shopping for just two, Catherine Holmes hasn’t noticed much difference in her food bills without meat.

“Fresh vegetables cost so much money,” she says. “Red peppers are in everything and they’re $3.99 a pound.”

But as a family with hungry teens, the Trowers have found the meatless choice saves them money.

Glenda Trower says the key to their diet is simplicity. Most of their meals are basic, familiar dishes that just happen to leave the meat out. She hates tofu and she isn’t crazy about imitation meat products.

“Most people’s concern is that you’ll have to be eating ‘weird’ stuff, and you don’t,” she says.

And even when only one or two members of the family go vegetarian, other family members can reap some benefits.

Steve Trower is sure he eats better now, since their meals are so laden with fresh vegetables. John Holmes will never give up meat, but he’s learned to like tofu - as long as it’s cut up into really small pieces.

And Catherine Holmes believes she has found the health benefits she was seeking.

“I haven’t been sick at all,” she says. “Not even a cold.”

If you’ve been tempted by the vegetarian diet, here are some recipes to get you started. Many can be adapted to include meat in some servings, although most are so hearty that you may never miss the meat.

For example, this pasta dish could be served with broiled skinless, boneless chicken breast. Increase the amount of olive oil, garlic and basil and use it to marinate the chicken while the tomatoes are marinating, then broil the chicken while the pasta is cooking.

Penne with Marinated Tomatoes, Basil and Garlic Bread Crumbs

From “Fields of Greens,” by Annie Somerville (Bantam Books).

1 1/2 pounds vine-ripened tomatoes, cored, halved and seeded

1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil

3 or 4 cloves garlic, finely chopped

1/3 cup coarsely chopped fresh basil, about 20 to 25 leaves

Salt and pepper

1/2 pound penne or another short, tubular pasta

1/2 cup garlic bread crumbs (recipe follows)

Grated Parmesan cheese

Cut tomatoes into large pieces and toss with olive oil, garlic, basil, 1/2 teaspoon salt and 1/8 teaspoon pepper. Set aside to marinate for 30 minutes.

Bring large pot of water to boil. When water is boiling, add 1 teaspoon salt. Cook pasta in boiling water until just tender, about 8 to 10 minutes. While pasta is cooking, transfer tomatoes to large skillet or saute pan and quickly warm them over medium heat, making sure not to cook them enough to remove the skins.

Drain pasta in colander, shaking off excess water. Add pasta to saute pan and toss with tomatoes. Sprinkle generously with bread crumbs and serve with freshly grated Parmesan.

Yield: 2 to 4 servings.

Garlic bread crumbs: Heat oven to 325 degrees. Peel and finely chop as much garlic as desired and mix with extra virgin olive oil. Thinly slice sourdough or French bread and brush on one side with olive oil and garlic. Lay brushed slices on baking sheet and bake about 10 minutes, until bread is very crisp and golden. Cool. Break up slices with your hands, then grind in food processor or blender, leaving texture a little coarse.

To adapt this for a meat eater, serve with a side order of broiled sausage, such as andouille.

Cajun Skillet Beans

From “Moosewood Restaurant Cooks at Home,” by the Moosewood Collective (Fireside).

1 medium onion, chopped

3 cloves garlic, minced or pressed

2 tablespoons vegetable oil

3 ribs celery, chopped (about 1 cup)

2 green or red bell peppers, cored, seeded and chopped (about 1 1/2 cups)

1 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme, or 1/2 teaspoon dried

1 tablespoon chopped fresh basil, or 1 teaspoon dried

1 teaspoon chopped fresh oregano, or 1/2 teaspoon dried

1/4 teaspoon ground black pepper, or more to taste

Pinch of cayenne pepper

Pinch of salt

2 cups chopped fresh tomatoes or 1 (14 1/2-ounce) can whole tomatoes

1 tablespoon honey or molasses

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard

4 cups cooked black-eyed peas or butter beans (two 10-ounce frozen packages or two 16-ounce cans, drained)

Chopped green onions (optional)

Grated Cheddar cheese (optional)

In heavy saucepan or skillet, saute onion and garlic in oil over medium heat. Add celery and bell pepper. Continue to saute for about 5 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add thyme, basil, oregano, black pepper, cayenne and salt. Cover and cook 5 minutes or until onions are golden, stirring once or twice. Add tomatoes, honey or molasses and mustard and simmer 5 more minutes. Add beans, cover and stir occasionally until thoroughly heated. (Canned beans will be hot in less than 10 minutes, but frozen beans need to simmer 15 to 20 minutes.)

Top with green onions and cheese if desired, and serve.

Yield: 6 servings.

Nutrition information per 8-ounce serving: 200 calories, 10 grams protein, 5 grams fat (23 percent fat calories), 32 grams carbohydrate, 143 milligrams sodium, no cholesterol.

Vegetable Burrito

From “Heart Smart Cookbook,” by Henry Ford Heart and Vascular Institute and the Detroit Free Press (Andrews and McMeel.)

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

1/3 cup onion, chopped

1 large carrot, thinly sliced

1 small clove garlic, minced or pressed

1 teaspoon chili powder

1/4 teaspoon ground cumin

1/4 teaspoon dry oregano leaves

1 small zucchini, diced

1/2 cup frozen corn, thawed

6 flour tortillas (7- to 9-inch diameter)

1 (16-ounce) can low-fat, vegetarian refried beans

3 ounces low-fat Cheddar cheese

6 tablespoons plain, nonfat yogurt

Heat oil in skillet over mediumhigh heat. When oil is hot, add onion, carrot, garlic, chili powder, cumin and oregano. Cook, stirring, until onion is soft (about 10 minutes). Stir in zucchini and corn. Cook until zucchini is tender-crisp (7 to 8 minutes more).

Wrap tortillas in foil and heat 15 minutes in 350-degree oven; or wrap in plastic and microwave on high (100 percent) power 30 to 45 seconds. Spread beans in center of each tortilla. Spoon onion-carrot mixture into tortillas. Top with cheese. Wrap ends of tortilla over filling and fold sides to center, or simply roll up. Garnish each tortilla with 1 tablespoon plain, nonfat yogurt.

Yield: 6 servings.

Nutrition information per serving: 231 calories, 7 grams fat (27 percent fat calories), 9 milligrams cholesterol, 480 milligrams sodium, 34 grams carbohydrate, 12 grams protein.