Cheap Seats

Suuuuure you’re Bob Stanley

The Red Sox, trying to cut down on unwanted clubhouse visitors, denied access to former Boston reliever Bob Stanley, who had come to the game with his son Kyle, recently recovered from a long bout with cancer. Stanley wanted to get some baseballs signed for the Dana Farber Cancer Institute.

Turns out, the refusal had nothing to do with the wild pitch Stanley threw in Game 6 of the 1986 World Series. The Red Sox are blaming an overzealous security guard.

Wise move, with all those Bob Stanley impersonators out there.

Bring on Mike Tyson

A year ago, 45-year-old former heavyweight contender Joe Bugner called the idea of a comeback “pathetic.” As of today, Bugner is pathetic.

Bugner, who twice went the distance with Muhammad Ali during a 19-year ring career that ended with a 1987 loss to Frank Bruno, is planning a George Foreman-style comeback next month. Now a grandfather and Aussie citizen, the former British and European champ plans to fight Australian titlist Vince Cervi, 27, on Sept. 22.

“If people think I’m crazy, so be it,” said Bugner (76-13). “But I’ve had all the medical tests and the results were all excellent - brain scan, heart examination and blood pressure.”

A wallet scan proved more revealing, as Bugner admitted that his financial situation is a big reason for his return. Since retiring, he has tried fight promotion, wine making, television soap operas and politics.

Look for Don King to beef up that Tyson-Buster Mathis Jr. card by pitting Bugner against Buster’s old man.

Image is everything

Charles Barkley has filed a $4 million lawsuit against Nikon, claiming the company used an unauthorized photograph of him in a prominent ad. The lawsuit, filed in U.S. District Court in Manhattan this week, said the ad showed Barkley in uniform with his head back and mouth wide open.

The photo was published in a supplement to Advertising Age/Creativity, a leading trade magazine. Barkley claims he has sustained “enormous injury” to his personal and professional reputation, and his value to other sponsors has been undermined.

Like spitting on that 8-year-old fan did wonders for your marketability, Chuck.

One more drag, coach

At a recent pre-Olympic wrestling meet at the Omni in Atlanta, volunteer staff members were asked to set aside a smoking section. For the wrestlers.

Coming soon: wrestling unis complete with short sleeves - the better to store those Camel non-filters.

Cellblock Number Fore

As reported in Golf World magazine after the PGA Championship at Riviera Country Club in Southern California, club member O.J. Simpson’s handicap has dropped eight strokes since his arrest because somebody - could it be O.J. himself? - keeps posting scores for the former NFL great.

Talk about lenient weekend-furlough programs.

The last word …

“Have Bears kickers from George Blanda to Kevin Butler been tortured by capricious lake gusts, mucky footing and cursed spots so that some future Zendejas with one pair of clean shoes and no chin strap will whipleg field goals off true lies and into climatecontrolled air?” - Chicago Tribune columnist Bernie Lincicome, outraged at the idea of a domed stadium for the Bears

, DataTimes