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Duh!
Admitting he submitted a term paper written by his brother - an honors code violation - Southern Methodist quarterback Derek Canine has dropped out of school.
Wait, it gets better. Just how was it discovered that Canine had dogged it on this assignment? Canine’s father said a teammate who was struggling in the same class asked Canine if he also could use the paper, and the quarterback agreed. After the teammate turned in the paper, the teacher confronted the players.
In a related note, casting has been completed for “Dumb and Dumber II…”
I want a pair, just like the pair…
…that carry dear old Dad. Or something like that.
A day in the life of Packers quarterback Brett Favre: he returns to Green Bay after spending a few days in his Mississippi bayou hometown of Kiln. He leads the team to a victory, then showers, slips on his undershorts, and walks into the locker room to meet with his father, Irvin.
Outside, dozens of reporters and cameras wait. He will be asked about records, and greatness, and Bart Starr. A nation of fans will be listening.
But first, Irvin wails.
“Hey, those are mine,” he says.
“What are yours?” Favre says.
“Those underwear you got on.”
“How do you know?”
“Look at the dang front.”
Scrawled in magic marker across the front of the shorts is the incriminating word: DAD.
“You did it again,” Irvin says. “You came home, did laundry, then packed the wrong clothes.”
“Damn,” Favre says. “I’m supposed to be some big-time football player, and I’ve got on 15-year-old underwear.”
The universal language
The Colorado Avalanche has a unique line of Valeri Kamensky (a Russian), Peter Forsberg (a Swede) and Claude Lemieux (a French-Canadian). Coach Marc Crawford was asked what language they use to communicate on the ice.
“English,” Crawford replied, “and profanity.”
Anything to declare?
Geez, Canadian customs laws are really causing the millionaire employees of NBA expansion teams some grief. Take the case of Toronto Raptors Willie Anderson and Tony Massenburg, who went on a shopping tear in a Nike employee store before a game in Portland. When the team crossed the border the next day, customs officials confiscated most items. Anderson alone lost eight pairs of shoes.
“I either had to hand them over or pay $850,” Anderson said. “I said, ‘Take them. It’s not worth it.’ What I don’t understand is why we can’t bring in property that we need to earn a living? Why can I bring my clothes and not my shoes. The thing is, the shoes are part of my (Nike) contract.”
Probably those size-7 women’s cross trainers for your wife tipped ‘em off that you didn’t need these shoes to earn a living, Willie.
The last word …
“So from now on, they’ll just be known as the Bullets.”
- Jay Leno, on the Washington Bullets’ plan to change their name because of its connotation to crime
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