These Boots Were Made For Walkin’ Is There A Good Way To Dump A Girlfriend Or Boyfriend?
As Feb. 14 looms closer, high school sweethearts smile and sigh with the thought of romance. Students prowl through the stores for gifts or grab their pens for love-filled poems to make their significant other swoon in the lamp light of love.
Although many couples prepare for this ritual, there are many others who prepare for something far more depressing: breaking up. Anyone who’s been in high school knows the coming and going of relationships exact more anxiety than a trig test.
It happens all the time, but it’s never easy. Even if the feelings are gone, it is still heartbreaking to dissolve a relationship.
Of course, there is no correct or “good” way to break up with someone. It is possible, however, to end it all without a glance over the dumper’s shoulder.
In order to attempt this amazing feat, there must be one personality trait in the dumper’s heart: carelessness. Not simply carelessness in the way the individual ends the relationship, but carelessness for the person whom they are ending it with.
Jeff LeBret is a perfect example of this. When interviewed about the best way to break up with someone, the North Central sophomore shrugged nonchalantly and said, “Hey babe, welcome to Splitsville, population you.”
Of course, Jeff obviously never entered a relationship where feelings ran deep. Although his attitude deterred the pain for himself, he inflicted it harder on his ex. In order to obtain a breakup that leaves both partners semi-pleased (or at least able to continue with their lives), you must consider the other person’s feelings.
A senior at Shadle, whom we will call Matt, hurt others as much as they hurt him.
“It’s been pretty much equal as far as breaking up with people goes,” Matt said. “I’ve broken up with girls pretty harshly, and girls have dumped me pretty bad as well.”
Being on both ends of the line helps out a lot for the next time you plan to separate from somebody. If you understand how it feels to have someone step all over you, you’ll be more hesitant about squashing someone else.
“The worst thing I could have ever done was get into an intense, physical relationship with someone and then cut it off very quickly,” Matt remembers. He also remembers when a different girl cheated on him while he had the chicken pox. After learning his lesson, his attitude became gentler.
“Now when I break up with someone, I’ll try to take them somewhere relatively secluded,” Matt said. “You know, break it to her nicely and try to explain it to her so that she can understand.”
Tasha Bright, a freshman at Freeman, broke up with her boyfriend a little more dramatically. When he cheated on her over the summer, she remained with him for a few more weeks, determined everything would stay the same. The thoughts inside her exploded, however, when she realized how naive she was being.
“I saw him with the girl he cheated on me with and just blew up into this completely different person,” Tasha says, slightly amused, “All of a sudden it just hit me and we got in this huge fight. I yelled at him and the girl he was with, who was one of my friends. They were stunned.”
Her ex-boyfriend refused to leave her alone. He wanted desperately to go to Homecoming with her and begged nearly every night. He left innumerable messages on her answering machine, pleading for her to get back together with him.
“He acted like a total baby,” Tasha laughs. “We became friends a long time later.”
Tasha now understands not to date someone who blatantly hurts you.
“If he is the one who screwed up,” Tasha advises, “break up and just get past it.”
Tasha also suggests that in order to illustrate a picture-perfect relationship, you must know the person you become involved with.
“If you don’t have trust, you don’t have a relationship,” she said.
Tasha’s words will hopefully sink deep. Although they do not explain exactly how to break up with someone, they should show you not to drag on a relationship simply because you believe it will remain the same.
John, a senior at Ferris, agrees. Some people, he says, delay a breakup simply because they feel bad about it.
“For example, say after a year that you have gone out with someone, you feel like you need to break up. But the other person is absolutely mad about you,” John says.
“Instead of crushing their feelings at that point in time, you prolong it another six months to the point you suddenly become so incredibly agitated you can’t take it any longer. During that six months, your boyfriend or girlfriend becomes even more attached, making their pain even more immense.”
Basically, by not breaking up sooner, you have an even sharper knife to dig into your soon-to-be-ex’s heart.
So there you have it. The key to ending a relationship: studying the feelings of the person whom you are planning to detach from. If they are still in love with you, be gentle; if they are a jerk, go ahead and be careless.
And for those being dumped, don’t tear up all the pictures of the person who just broke up with you. Use your newfound freedom to hang out with friends, your family and yourself. Just go on with your lifestyle, and try not to dwell on it.
“Living in the past serves no purpose,” John says convincingly. “There is a greater chance that the people you’ve always known are a lot more exciting than the one who did not last.”
MEMO: This sidebar ran with story: SHARE YOUR STORY Has somebody smashed your heart? Did you do it to someone else? Our Generation wants to hear from you. Tell us about your worst breakup. Or, tell us about the best way to let someone go gently. Does the line “Let’s just be friends” really work? If so, why does it hurt so much? If you want to share some advice about breakups, call Cityline at 458-8800 in Spokane or 765-8811 in Coeur d’Alene. Enter category 9894 (you need a touch-tone phone) and leave your message. You’ll only have 60 seconds, so be precise. If you have more to say, write it down and send it to Our Generation, Breakups, W999 Riverside, Spokane, WA 99210-1615.