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It’ll all come out in the laundering
Three months after the city Ethics Commission fined Los Angeles Marathon Inc. $200,000 for laundering political contributions to city officials, the Los Angeles city council voted to waive $200,000 in fees for traffic control and other city services for this year’s race.
“I guess what it means is that the taxpayers paid the fines,” city Ethics Commissioner Ed Guthman said.
“That’s not waiving those fines,” objected councilman Nate Holden. “It’s just coincidence.”
Yeah, and we’ve got some Orange County bonds we’d like to sell ya.
Jealous of Shaq? Who, me?
Think Alonzo Mourning’s a little sensitive when it comes to comparisons with Shaquille O’Neal? Nah. It’s not that important to ‘Zo. Really. Just listen:
“There’s two teams out there!” Mourning told reporters after his Hornets lost to O’Neal’s Magic recently. “You don’t know (bleep) about basketball! You all don’t know a damn thing! You all just think there’s two players out there going up against each other! There’s two teams, 10 guys on the court!
“You all are so narrow-minded, man! You all look right past it! If you all want to see that, go watch some boxing or something! Man, I want to sit here and talk about two teams and you all want to bring up some matchup! That’s it! I’m through talking!”
As Mark Heisler points out in the Los Angeles Times, “What Alonzo meant is, he believes there’s too much emphasis put on the individual in modern society. He intends to say just that in his next Nike commercial, in which he’s shown dunking over King Kong.”
Get those Cup tickets
It’s the biggest event since the World Cup, and the Chicago Tribune’s Bernie Lincicome is predictably excited: “I see by the old Rolex under the French cuffs that it’s time again for the America’s Cup, a gentleman’s sailing competition that has gone straight downwind ever since they started allowing guys to drive the yachts who didn’t own them.”
Nude showgirls? Don’t bet on it
The NFL is warning players not to participate in a Super Bowl cruise promising 50 football stars, naked showgirls, a nude limbo contest and a pool full of gelatin.
“Join 200 naked showgirls and dozens of pro football superstars on the full action casino cruise that would make the Love Boat blush,” read an ad placed by the Platinum Plus Gentleman’s Casino Cruise.
The ad, which ran last month in The Miami Herald, has since softened slightly. Nevertheless, players and other NFL associates involved in any promotional activity for gambling are subject to fines and possible lifetime suspension, NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said.
The last word …
“I heard a lot of new words - like ‘transitional issues’ and ‘capitulate.’ I had to look up ‘capitulate.’ I thought we had done something sexual to them.”
- Shawn Burr, one Detroit Red Wing glad the NHL lockout is over