Cheap Seats

Strange bedfellows

Ninety seconds before NBC’s Dick Enberg and Johnny Miller went on the air for ESPN from the U.S. Open, Miller turned to Enberg, a veteran of many sports but a rookie on golf.

“Man of many partners,” Miller said, “you’re not monogamous.”

“I fit right into your religion,” said Enberg, tweaking his Mormon partner.

“Nah, we don’t do that anymore,” said Miller.

Hence the distinction “Latter-day” saints.

Making it great

Rush Limbaugh can be in Pizza Hut’s Hall of Fame, but not Pete Rose. The restaurant chain has scrapped plans to make a commercial with baseball’s hit king.

The script depicted a young boy asking Rose about his accomplishments in baseball. At the end, Rose would have asked if the boy likes his pizza and the boy was to reply, “You bet.” Rose would have told him that wasn’t the best choice of words - Rose, of course, having been banned from baseball for betting on sports.

Spokesman Rob Doughty said the 11th-hour change of signals stemmed partly from the tight time schedule Pizza Hut set for creating new commercials for its stuffed crust pizza.

We hear they hired Art Schlichter instead.

Diplomatic impunity

Your tax dollars at work: U.S. Ambassador James Cheek has been chided by Argentina president Carlos Menem for criticizing the standard of refereeing in Argentine soccer. Cheek claimed his favorite club “was robbed due to bad refereeing” in a recent match.

“He’s a total fanatic and has a San Lorenzo badge next to a picture of Bill Clinton in his office,” Menem told local radio. “But that doesn’t give him the right to criticize one of Argentina’s best referees.”

Javier Castrilli, who disallowed a San Lorenzo goal and assessed a controversial penalty, said he might file a lawsuit.

“No Argentine who wants a free and sovereign nation can allow a person who represents another country to make these comments,” the referee said.

The seeds of discomfort

First-year med students should know there’s a new sports injury of which professional athletes have to beware - sunflower-seed finger.

In the Professional Baseball Athletic Trainers Society newsletter, Philadelphia team doctor Phillip Marone and team trainer Jeff Cooper document the syndrome. They insist it occurs when a player repeatedly sticks his hand into his back pocket to extract sunflower seeds during a game.

According to the article, three fingers go into the pocket and the little finger - the pinky - is used to spread the pocket and allow access. This causes stress between the third and fourth fingers.

The injury is not usually career-threatening.

Unless, of course, it happens to Kevin Mitchell.

The last word …

“Apparently, Warren Sapp came dangerously close to violating Miami’s 10-strikes-and-you’re-out drug policy.”

- Scott Ostler, San Francisco Chronicle

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo