Comparing Expansion Teams, Panthers Are The Cat’s Meow
The Jacksonville Jaguars today begin what will be a 42-year quest to make it to the Super Bowl. Hopefully, the NFL’s other 1995 expansion team, the Carolina Panthers, will get there sooner.
(Note: Tampa Bay never gets there.)
I am here to declare myself proDom Capers and anti-Tom Coughlin from Day No. 1, much as my Uncle Nathan was pro-Jack Daniels and anti-Jane Fonda from Bar Stool No. 3.
Capers coaches Carolina, Coughlin Jacksonville. It is believed Capers will struggle initially with the Panthers. But it has become fashionable to talk about Coughlin’s toughness and how he’ll push the Jaguars to success. For instance, although no expansion team has won more than three games in its first year, ESPN’s Ron Jaworski said the other day he believes Jacksonville will start the season 3-0.
So who died and left Coughlin Curly Lambeau’s megaphone?
The Jaguars christened Coughlin coach, general manager, personnel director and Grand Sachem. And based on what? He was wide receivers coach of the Giants from 1988-90, which means he taught Touchdown Maker Stephen Baker how to run down-and-out-of-bounds routes, and he followed that as head coach from 1991-93 at Boston College, where he beat Notre Dame once and was hailed as Napoleon in a visor.
Coughlin, 48, ran a Koreshian training camp in Jacksonville - coaches were not allowed to wear sunglasses during practice, players cannot kneel on the sidelines. He even monitored the players’ water breaks.
If Coughlin managed a McDonald’s, he’d have the fries guy bench-pressing the milkshake machine.
Frankly, I don’t trust fitness freaks. And, after all, football coaches should have a hint of a belly. But this guy is all pecs. Coughlin needs to room with Richie Petitbon or Bill Parcells for a week.
(OK, OK, I know some of you are out there wondering: “Well, who are you?” I’ll tell you who I am - I talk and you don’t. I pick games and you make means. Since 1960, I have a documented success rate of 87.4 percent. In 1984, in fact, I was unbeaten against the point spread for the entire NFL regular season 224 consecutive games. In parts of Nevada and southern New Jersey, I am simply known as The Man.)
So, on this opening weekend, I will bet against Coughlin and take Houston giving 3-1/2 points at Jacksonville, and I will support Capers and take Carolina getting nine points at Atlanta.
Please note - all picks against the point spread are for recreational purposes only and should not be used as the basis for any actual cash wager:
Jets at Dolphins (-9)
New Jersey Gov. Christie Whitman said recently that it’s time for the New York Jets and New York Giants to change their names, due to the fact that they don’t play in New York. I believe she is right on this name-calling business and will follow her lead: New Jersey stinks. Pick: Dolphins.
Browns at Patriots (-3)
Some people think this may be a preview of the AFC title game. Two counterpoints to that - Vinny Testaverde on quarterbacking ain’t exactly Dean Witter on investing, and New England’s rushing game can disappear quicker than Robert L. Vesco. Pick: Patriots.
49ers (-8) at Saints
Two questions: (1) Can you name the four magazines in which Steve Young did not appear on the cover since Super Bowl XXIX? (2) Have authorities tracked down the Saints executive who apparently said, “Sure, let’s cut Morten Andersen …”? Pick: 49ers.
Buccaneers at Eagles (-7)
Tampa Bay’s always innovative Sam Wyche - fastest-ever NFL coach to 100 defeats (80-100) - has made Buccaneers’ game plan compatible for Windows 95. Pick: Eagles.
Bills at Broncos (-5)
TNT season opener: If Time Warner buys Turner Broadcasting by game time, halftime show will feature Judy the Time-Life operator talking with Ted Turner on sneaker phone. Pick: Bills.
Lions at Steelers (-5)
I had the most wonderful dream the other night - Steelers QB Neil O’Donnell was going to Disney World and my ex-wife’s divorce lawyer was going to Devil’s Island. Pick: Steelers.
Chiefs at Seahawks (-1)
To avoid sideline embarrassment of preseason finale, Seattle coach Dennis Erickson will permit players to bring Hibachi grill into huddle. Pick: Chiefs.
Vikings at Bears (-3):
In recent poll, 86 percent of Bears fans blamed team president Michael McCaskey for causing the Great Chicago Fire of 1871. Pick: Bears.
Chargers at Raiders (-3-1/2)
L.A. officials negotiating with Al Davis about return to city “after hell freezes over.” Pick: Chargers.
Bengals at Colts (-6)
V-chip to allow Cincinnati-area parents to block out Bengals games. Pick: Colts.
Cardinals (-3) at Redskins
By game’s end, besieged Redskins QB Heath Shuler’s helmet radio will be playing “Wipeout.” Pick: Cardinals.
Rams at Packers (-7)
Rams T Jackie Slater has been called on to block more than Paul Lynde. Pick: Rams.
Cowboys (-5) at Giants
With or without Deion Sanders, Dallas is dynamite. With or without Dave Brown, New Jersey stinks. Pick: Cowboys.
xxxx Take your best shot against columnist If you’d like a lighter look at the NFL, Norman Chad is your man. If you’d like a little competition in picking the NFL games, Norman Chad can fill in there as well. Starting today in The Spokesman-Review, Chad’s syndicated NFL picks column will appear every Sunday throughout the NFL season. “It is intended more as an entertaining column than as an analytical column,” says Chad, who has worked at Sports Illustrated, the National and the Washington Post. “My column follows developments in the NFL on a week-to-week basis closely, but it uses those developments as entertainment and humor props.” Chad’s syndicated column appears in several newspapers nationwide, including the Dallas Morning News, the Boston Globe and the St. Louis Post-Dispatch. He currently resides in Los Angeles.