Time To Kiss Behring Goodbye (Hold The Tongue)

Unfortunately, it’s not as if Paul Allen whipped out a giant can of Bubba-B-Gone and rid the Northwest of its biggest vermin.

No, Saturday’s announcement that Allen had purchased an option to take the Seahawks off Ken Behring’s hands left many with a sense of, well, incompletion.

The hopes were that Allen would finally, conclusively and irreversibly purge the Northwest of the infidel. But as of today, Ken Behring still, technically, owns the Seahawks.

And Bob Whitsitt, president of the Portland Trail Blazers and Allen’s point man in these negotiations, voiced a frightening possibility: On July 2, 1997, at the conclusion of Allen’s option to buy, Ken Behring could still be the owner of the Seattle Seahawks.

As you all know, this is unacceptable.

It’s become apparent that Behring is a reprehensible individual about whom absolutely nothing positive can be uttered.

Especially after the latest revelations that Behring is being sued by a female former employee - not in the Seahawks organization - who contends he inserted his tongue in her mouth and ground his pelvis into her.

Apparently, he was trying to do to her what he’s been doing to Seahawk fans for years.

It just seems like bad form for a captain of industry to go around treating employees like they were extended lower legs and he was a love-starved poodle.

All of which leaves the Seahawks facing a tremendous public-relations impediment.

Unless Allen exercises the option to buy quickly, any money made by the 1996 Seahawks will go into Ken Behring’s pockets.

And, distressingly, any decisions made at the ownership level will have to be mutually agreed upon by Allen AND Behring.

Imagine the meeting:

Allen: “I think we should approve this important revenue-sharing proposal.”

Behring: “Ya see the legs on our waitress?”

Also a ticklish issue is the fact that Behring’s son David will continue to serve as the team’s president.

It is not a giant leap of imagination to see him assuming responsibility for the office’s coffee filters, and being moved into a work space of the Les Nessman design - imaginary doors and walls.

Genetics aside, it was difficult not to feel some sympathy for David Behring when he admirably entered the press room Saturday night after Whitsitt announced the deal.

Some reporters thought he was close to tears. He even apologized for the “turmoil, anger and frustration” the threat to move the team to Southern California has caused.

He couldn’t come out and say it, but he seemed a little embarrassed by his father.

Anybody who has suffered through his dad publicly executing the come-here-kid-and-pull-my-finger joke can sympathize with David Behring.

What he stressed, though, was that the shortcomings of the Kingdome were at the heart of his father’s desire to move. That’s probably just a smokescreen to hide his greed. But it’s nonetheless an issue that Allen, too, must solve.

The feeling here is that he will arrive at a solution and end up completing the purchase before the 14-month option expires.

Remember, Allen has experience in these matters, putting together the deal to build Portland’s $262 million Rose Garden with only $34.5 million in public funds.

Whitsitt said Sunday that they would prefer a new stadium instead of renovation of the Kingdome, and he didn’t discount Allen’s involvement in funding it.

It certainly seems that the county, state and public will be a lot more willing to tithe a penny or two to help out if Allen is open to kicking in some of his own cash.

The other thing is that Allen will be the richest owner in the NFL by far.

Last week’s report that Microsoft’s stock had reached an all-time high couldn’t have hurt Allen’s willingness to snap up the Seahawks.

The way we figure it, the value of Allen’s 55 million Microsoft shares increased by a total of more than $400 million - LAST WEEK.

The man made enough - last week - to buy the team and put a down payment on a stadium.

Beyond that, he’s reported to be a good guy. No reports of unsolicited fondling.

A 43-year-old who put his Washington State education to good use, Allen reportedly has given $100 million to AIDS research.

Another important distinction between Allen and Behring is that Allen is a fan. It would be unwise to underestimate this fact.

Of the 48 luxury suites available for Seahawks games in the Kingdome, only 13 were sold last year.

Allen had one.

Trying to sew a patch on the franchise’s leaky image, Whitsitt said he hoped the Allen offer would remove the cloud that has surrounded the team.

It’s not all sunshine yet, though.

Because if the fans don’t support the team and King County doesn’t get creative with the stadium issue, we could end up with Ken Behring indefinitely.

Sure, people will be understandably reluctant to support a team that is still - on paper - owned by Ken Behring. The paradox is, however, that if you don’t support Ken Behring’s Seahawks, they may never become Paul Allen’s Seahawks.

Yes, it will leave a bad taste in your mouth.

But that’s a lot better than Ken Behring’s tongue.

, DataTimes MEMO: You can contact Dave Boling by voice mail at 459-5577, extension 5504.

The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = Dave Boling The Spokesman-Review