Cheap Seats

Hair today, gone tomorrow

There’s nothing quite like a hearty hello from George Steinbrenner. Pitcher Graeme Lloyd, the Australian whose long, stringy hair used to tumble over his collar, got a special one when he joined the Yankees earlier this season in a trade from the Milwaukee Brewers.

It seems Steinbrenner approached Lloyd and told him he was sorry to hear about his problem in Australia.

“What problem?” Lloyd said.

Steinbrenner responded, “Your barber died.”

Lloyd was silent.

“He didn’t understand at first, but the next day he came in with his hair cut,” Steinbrenner said gleefully.

And all this time we thought Joe DiMaggio was the Yankee Clipper.

Now you see why guys charge for autographs

The 49ers laughed it off, but the Genius, Bill Walsh, was more than a little embarrassed about the playlist he inadvertently gave a Packers fan who asked for an autograph before the two teams played in Green Bay.

Kerri Mallien said she was attending a conference at a Green Bay hotel when she spotted Walsh - a 49ers consultant and former coach - and asked him for an autograph. Walsh took the napkin she offered, then reached in his pocket for something else to write on against a brick wall, signed the autograph and handed it back to her. When Mallien walked away, she noticed two folded pieces of paper were with the napkin.

When she showed the papers to a friend, Al Paul,he recognized it as a list of plays the 49ers planned to run against the Packers. One paper had several play diagrams. The other was a list under a heading of, “1st 16 plays vs. Green Bay Packers 10-14-96.”

Paul took copies of the papers to Packers offices and said someone should show them to coach Mike Holmgren and defensive coordinator Fritz Shurmur.

Green Bay held the 49ers scoreless in the opening quarter of the Monday night game. By halftime, the 49ers led 17-6, but the Packers went on to win 23-20 in overtime.

“Well, in all seriousness I have to publicly accuse Mike Holmgren of planting a Mata Hari among the autograph seekers,” Walsh joked. “It’s the only way. It’s the slickest thing I’ve seen in a long time.”

But he clearly seemed upset when first informed of the story.

“It’s a breach on my part of the 49ers, and I feel terrible,” he said.

Points guard, not point guard

Former Georgetown gunner Allen Iverson swore he would look to pass first once he put on an NBA uniform. So how’s the experiment going? In an exhibition game last week, the Sixers rookie had 17 points and no assists against Phoenix.

Yes, I really am Pat Hentgen

Toronto Blue Jays rookie pitcher Marty Janzen recently confessed to his agent that he went the second half of the season having lost his passport and driver’s license.

So how did Janzen get through customs or pick up plane tickets without proper ID?

He showed his baseball card.

So much for keeping a rookie card in mint condition.

The last word …

“Y’know why so many people play soccer? It’s so they don’t have to watch it.”

Tom Hoffarth, Los Angeles Daily News

, DataTimes