Explain To Children About Private Parts

Dear Ann Landers: I am writing in response to the mother whose daughter was molested by a teen-age boy. I, too, am grieving because of the sexual molestation of my 4-year-old daughter. A 14-year-old male cousin molested her in our home during a family reunion.

My sister-in-law, the boy’s mother, barged into the bathroom and caught her son in the act. I heard her screaming at him as she dragged him down the stairs. When I asked what was going on, she replied, “Oh, nothing much. Boys will be boys.” I did not learn what really happened until my daughter told me everything.

I took her to the doctor the next day, and by law, the doctor had to file a report. My daughter was interviewed by deputies, social workers, detectives and a therapist. She told them exactly what happened. The authorities then contacted my brother’s family for questioning.

My brother, the boy’s father, is now furious with me for “bringing in authorities and ruining the family name.” He hung up on me when I called him on the phone and now refuses to have anything to do with me. Meanwhile, my daughter will be in counseling for a long time. She never will be able to forget what happened to her. What the boy’s father described as “a little curiosity exploring” will have a lifelong effect on that child. - Nowhere, U.S.A.

Dear U.S.A.: All children should be told (3 years of age is not too early) that their private parts are private and that they should not let anyone touch them. They should also be told that if anyone tries to touch them there, they should tell their parents about it immediately.

You have given me the opportunity to spotlight a very important subject, and I thank you for it. What follows was prompted by the same letter:

Dear Ann Landers: I’m writing about the 5-year-old girl whose mother was torn between punishing the 15-year-old boy who had molested her daughter and keeping quiet to preserve peace in the family. That letter bothered me tremendously. If this mother thinks a 5-year-old will forget in time, she is sadly mistaken.

I am 27 now and finding it very hard to deal with the psychological problems I’ve had to live with since I was 3 years old. The same thing happened to me, and I remember every detail vividly. The molester was a teen-age boy, a distant relative. My mother caught him at it, but she wouldn’t do anything to stop him because she didn’t want to “ruin the family name.” It continued until I was 7, when he moved out of town.

I have had many boyfriends, starting at age 13, and had sex with every one of them (most were several years older than I was), and it was no big deal, just something that was expected. It never occurred to me to say no. I am now married to a wonderful man and feel like the luckiest girl in the world. - Anonymous, Of Course

Dear Anonymous: You are “lucky” - and then some. Girls who are molested at a very early age and continue to have sex with multiple partners through their teen-age years usually have low self-esteem and have trouble establishing long-term relationships.

How fortunate for you to have met a decent, caring man who wanted to make you his life’s partner. And how fortunate for him that you had the strength to turn your life around.

Gem of the Day: The latest invention for folks who want peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.