Cheap Seats

Thespian in training?

When USA network’s John McEnroe mentioned during the U.S. Open that he had acted with Andre Agassi’s wife, Brooke Shields, on her television show “Suddenly Susan,” partner Ted Robinson was briefly silent.

“I did see the show,” Robinson said. “It was the word ‘acting’ that threw me off.”

Actually, McEnroe has a lot of acting experience. For most of his tennis career he acted like a baby.

Danger: Hookers in hallway

Want to know the real reason Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones installed surveillance cameras in the dormitory at the team’s training camp?

Cowboy coach Barry Switzer provided the answer: “We have surveillance cameras to protect us. Do you realize that? We don’t want a bunch of hookers walking down the the hall at 2 in the morning.

“Our football team goes in and goes to bed, but sometimes they have people coming in the dorms. That’s why we had the cameras in there.”

Will you people finally leave the Cowboys alone? They’re out there in the big, bad world … alone and frightened … vulnerable. Give ‘em a break. Let ‘em watch their X-rated surveillance tapes in peace.

First half just foreplay

Cal State Northridge football fans watching the school’s game against host Hawaii Saturday night on Fox Sports West 2 in the East Valley (Los Angeles) didn’t get a chance to see the second half on TV. The reason: Adam & Eve.

At midnight, TCI’s channel 40 in the East Valley switches from FSW2 to the Adam & Eve adult channel. The game started at 10 p.m. Just as the second half was about to begin, it struck midnight and the automatic switch took place.

“If you wanted to watch one of the halves, the first half was the one,” Northridge coach Jim Fenwick said. “I have no comment on Adam & Eve. But that wasn’t our doing.”

Andrew Johnson, director of communications for TCI, said Monday that TCI East Valley received no complaints from viewers about the Northridge game being cut off at halftime and replaced by Adam & Eve.

“Nobody called in,” he said. “It’s one of the most amazing things.”

Steve Webster, director of publicity for FSW2, said he hopes future games can be shown in full on TCI.

“We’re going to ask that they waive their automatic switch,” Webster said.

Now that will get people to call in.

Jordan well-rested

Although Michael Jordan’s new contract with the Chicago Bulls is a one-year deal, Sam Smith of the Chicago Tribune doesn’t think Jordan will retire after this season.

“After all,” Smith writes, “he’ll only be 35 at the beginning of next season, and he has never had a major injury, other than a broken foot 10 years ago.

“For two years, he merely waved at curveballs and golf balls, hardly strenuous activity, especially when you’re only making contact with one.”

The last word …

“Loss Angeles.”

- The headline in Sunday’s San Diego Union-Tribune after UCLA and USC lost to Tennessee and Florida State on Saturday.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo