Cheap Seats

Quick, run to the border

Order a kid’s meal at a certain Mexican fast-food chain these days (go ahead, even if you’re not a kid - there’s no height requirement) and be prepared to have your mini-meal handed to you in one wacky-shaped box that looks like a basketball hoop and net.

Don’t throw the box away.

Dig to the bottom (ignore the caution message: “contents may be hot!”) and get to the plastic circle game pieces with Shaquille O’Neal’s face on them - they’re called Shaq-O’s.

Next, poke out the holes on the top of the box.

They come in all sorts of themes, like the “Hoop-Shootin’ Shaq-Os” (in game uniform, without the trademark Lakers logo), the “Stylin’ Shaq-O’s” (in his trademark TWISM apparel), the “Actin’ Shaq-O’s” (Hollywood Shaq, including his “Steel” costume) and “Singin’ Shaq-O’s” (you call it singin’, we call it rappin’).

Split up the Shaq-O’s with a pal.

Now start firing them at the box - much like Shaq would do at the free-throw line.

According to the rules on the box, each shot that goes in earns you a letter of Shaq’s name. First player to spell “S-H-A-Q” wins the game.

Don’t laugh. Remember POGs?

Is the Big Coach in the Sky a Kentucky fan?

In Kentucky, Kentucky Wildcats basketball players are revered like rock stars. But it’s hard to put their popularity in perspective. Would you believe that the Cats are more popular than Santa Claus?

You would if you went to the Children’s Christmas Liturgy at Holy Name of Jesus Church in Henderson, Ky.

As always, Santa’s annual appearance at the end of the Christmas Eve mass delighted the kids (5-, 6- and 7-year-olds). But Santa’s surprise helpers - 6-foot-10 Nazr Mohammed and 6-5 Allen Edwards - proved bigger attractions, figuratively as well as literally.

“The kids were more happy to see us than Santa,” Edwards said.

Neither Edwards (a Baptist) nor Mohammed (a Muslim) are especially close to Father Ed Bradley, the Holy Name of Jesus pastor and a friend of former coach Rick Pitino.

Still, asked why he and Mohammed agreed to be the world’s biggest elves, Edwards said with a laugh, “It’s kind of hard to turn down a Father.”

Better hope that cheese doesn’t rot

Loaded with cheeseheads and driving vehicles that looked like large slabs of Swiss on wheels, some Green Bay Packers fans Thursday embarked on a 2,800-mile journey to the Super Bowl.

“I think it’s pretty goofy,” said traveler Dave Scherer, 37, of Milwaukee. “It’s just fun, Wisconsin people having fun.”

About 20 people decked out in green and gold, along with about 5,000 of the foam hats shaped like wedges of cheese, left the snow and cold of Milwaukee on the “Cheesehead Caravan” to San Diego.

“Can you think of a better way to go down there?” said Craig Clements, 21, of Mukwonago. “I’m told this is supposed to be the time of my life, so how could I pass it up?”

Five bucks says neither Scherer nor Clements brought a date.

The last word …

“John Kruk now owns a bar in Keyser, W.Va., called Third Base. Why third base, when he was a first baseman? It’s the last place you stop on your way home.”

- Peter Gammons in the Boston Globe

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo