He should be more cautious of cheating collegiate ex
Q: My girlfriend and I dated for three years in high school, then went to different colleges. The first year was good, but the second year, she was always out when I called. She said she was studying, but at the end of the year, she told me we needed to take a break. Later, I found out that she was dating someone at school. Now she wants me back. I still have feelings for her. What should I do?
Steve: Take her back if you wish, but be more cautious. She should’ve told you up front that she wanted to date at college instead of sneaking around. Tell her she’s on double-secret probation.
Mia: Do you really want to get caught up in a long-distance romance while you’re in college? Play the field for a while. You might enjoy it.
Q: I have recently become fast friends with a woman I’ll call Dawn, whom I met through a mutual friend. We all hang out at a club where the mutual friend deejays. I am hetero and so is Dawn. I am not dating anyone right now, and she has a young guy she is just getting to know. I am really attracted to Dawn – the first time I have ever fantasized about being with a woman. She knows I like men so I am not looking for some kind of relationship, but I am wondering, should I take a risk and kiss her?
Mia: Do you want to confuse her and end the friendship? Then go ahead and kiss her. Or you could take a little more time to consider your feelings. Is this just a fantasy in your head? Or do you want everything that could come with the reality? Try to decide that before you make a move.
Steve: I would ask her thoughts on womanly affection first. If she’s clearly not interested, just drop it. Fantasies are better than reality anyway.
Q: I come from a very conservative, close-knit family. I am going to marry a wonderful guy, but a problem has cropped up. My fiance’s brother is openly gay and active in the gay rights movement. He will attend our wedding with his partner. My uncle, who is close to my dad, is very intolerant of gays. I am sick with worry that there will be an incident, especially since alcohol will be served. I know my future brother-in-law will dance with his partner – and I know my uncle will say something to them. Please don’t suggest that we not invite him, that’s not an option.
Mia: Talk to your uncle ahead of time. Tell him that your brother-in-law is gay and that he will be at the wedding with a date. Explain to your uncle that you love him and you want him at the wedding, and ask him to respect your celebration by keeping any feelings he has about gay couples to himself. If he cares about you, he should at least make an effort. At the wedding, seat the two far apart from each other.
Steve: I can’t top Mia’s advice.
Q: I recently learned that a woman I dated a year ago attempted suicide. She’s OK now, and we haven’t been in touch much since we broke up, but I feel like I should reach out in some way. I don’t want to get back together with her, though. What can I do to be supportive?
Steve: There’s a chance she might want to rekindle the romance and become more depressed after you rebuff her. But if you make it clear from the outset that you simply want to help and have no interest in romance, then she can decide if she wants your help.
Mia: I don’t think a friendly phone call or e-mail to inquire about her health is a bad idea. Tell her you wanted to see how she was doing, but don’t offer to take her out for a late-night cocktail.