TV much easier to take than real life
Last week, in the third episode of ABC’s new hit television program, “Commander in Chief,” the mopey teenage daughter of the first woman president of the United States approached her mom with a request:
“Mom, can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Not now, honey,” President Mom says. “I have to address the nation.”
It was the funniest line I have heard on television since the disastrous Thanksgiving promotion on “WKRP in Cincinnati,” when live turkeys were thrown out of a helicopter and station manager Arthur Carlson said, “As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.”
The difference is, “WKRP” was a comedy. “Commander in Chief” is an earnest drama — very earnest — which is only inadvertently funny, which makes it a lot like watching the real commander in chief:
On the next “W,” the president is baffled about the reaction to his decision to appoint Harriet to the Supreme Court as Karl and Scooter are called back to testify before the grand jury. Meanwhile, Brownie messes up hurricane relief.
I must admit, I came to “Commander in Chief” reluctantly. I was a Bartlet loyalist, a major fan of “The West Wing,” which I watch like a Kansas City Royals fan must watch the World Series, fantasizing that one of these days it will really be like this.
On “The West Wing,” President Jed Bartlet is a Nobel-Prize winning economist, a devout Catholic and a devout liberal who agonizes about moral issues and speaks with the tongues of angels, sometimes in Latin.
He is surrounded by staff members who are devoted to public service, not careerists looking to cash in on high-paying jobs as lobbyists. His political opponents are principled conservatives, men and women who truly believe in smaller government and aren’t looking to cash in on high-paying jobs as lobbyists.
On the next “W,” the president is baffled when conservative House Leader Hammer, back from golf in Scotland, says the fat has pretty much been squeezed out government, just before he’s indicted for helping to funnel corporate cash from his pals into Texas legislative races.
On “The West Wing,” public service is a noble profession. Bimbos, sleazebags and craven weasels need not apply. Even now, as President Bartlet nears the end of his second term, the candidates running to replace him spend each episode trying to out-integrity each other.
The Democrat (Bobby Simone from ABC’s “NYPD Blue”) refuses to do attack ads and is involved in a sex scandal, but not with an intern: He and his wife break a hotel bed in Cleveland. The Republican (Hawkeye Pierce from CBS-TV’s “M*A*S*H”) is wracked with guilt about lying to a Christian evangelical leader about appointments to the Supreme Court.
On the next “W,” the president is baffled about reaction to Karl telling a Christian evangelical leader that his group will be happy about Harriet’s appointment to the Supreme Court.
Meanwhile, up the dial on ABC, the White House is being run by Thelma from the movie “Thelma and Louise.” President Thelma is an accidental president, sort of like Gerald Ford with a whole lot of cherry-red lipstick. She won’t play ball with Democrats, and the Republicans — led by evil House Speaker Hawkeye Pierce from the movie “M*A*S*H”) — aren’t that crazy about her either.
Her kids miss their mom, even though their dad, the First Gentlemen (Frank Pembleton’s sidekick on NBC’s “Homicide: Life on the Street”) is around a lot, apparently unable to get a job.
President Thelma, on the other hand, is awfully busy. Just three episodes in, she’s already sent the Marines to rescue a hostage in Nigeria and the Air Force to bomb the coca fields in South America. The message: People shouldn’t worry that a woman president won’t be tough enough to use military force. The problem is going to be getting her to stop.
Everything turns out OK, though. The hostage is rescued from Muslim fanatics without a worldwide outcry, a peaceful coup throws out the evil dictator in South America, and the drug factories are destroyed. No U.S. troops are killed.
On the next “W,” the president is baffled when the Muslim world protests his invasion of Iraq to get rid of an evil dictator. Muslim fundamentalists and insurgents kill nearly 2,000 U.S. troops. The president and Harriet relax by cutting brush.
No wonder people prefer TV to real life.