‘Person of interest’ can have lasting effect

Thanks to the Internet, Robert Lutner still hasn’t recovered from the nightmare that engulfed him when two friends were slaughtered last May. Lutner? He was at the Wolf Lodge Bay home of Mark McKenzie and Brenda Groene shortly before their bodies were found bludgeoned to death, along with that of Brenda’s son, Slade. Distraught, Lutner got drunk and failed to heed a phone demand from his probation officer to visit him immediately. Next thing, Lutner was a “person of interest” in the murder case and in jail for violating his probation by drinking. The current issue of American Journalism Review contains a lengthy article that describes how the enigmatic tag “person of interest” is bandied about freely these days – and damages innocents like Lutner. AJR: “A person of interest hasn’t been charged, much less convicted, of a crime. But the term clearly casts suspicion, even when police insist they just want to talk to the person in question.” In Lutner’s case, the tag still haunts him. “Long after Shasta was rescued,” reports the AJR, “one Web site continued to exhort people to pray for the abducted Groene children while still referring to Lutner as being sought by police.” Be careful out there.

A happy ending

In the Kootenai County courtroom of Magistrate Gene Marano on Thursday, third-graders from Skyview Elementary gathered for the annual mock trial of a fairy tale character. This year, Gold E. Locks was in the dock on a bad-manners rap. And the third-graders included ones taught by the judge’s wife, Paula. While waiting for the jury to deliberate, the judge fielded questions from the youngsters. Question: “Are you a real judge?” Marano: “Yes.” Question No. 2: “Have you ever sent anyone to jail?” Marano: “Yes, but only if they really deserved it.” Question No. 3: “Do you yell a lot?” Marano: “We’re not supposed to do that. It’s not very judicial.” Question No. 4: “How much money do you make in five years?’ Marano (sheepishly): “Slightly more than a teacher, about $93,000” a year. (Insert audience gasp.) Final question: “Do you like waking up in the morning?” Marano: “Yes, because Mrs. Marano is there beside me.” (Insert Mrs. Marano’s blush.) Seems the judge and his missus are living happily ever after on that super-sized non-teacher salary.

Taken for a ride

Did you hear the one about the Hayden guy who awoke in the middle of the night to find his red Mazda pickup missing from his driveway? It happens all the time. But the victim usually doesn’t have the chance to discuss the matter with the thief. Seems Tom Segura left his cell phone as well as his keys in his rig. So he dialed his cell number and, voila, spoke to, ahem, “Ted Nugent” – not the rock star. Segura told Deputy Dawgs that the Nugent wannabe was either “tweaking” (a meth user who’s strung out and twitchy) or drunk. Seems ol’ Ted had the smarts not to give Segura his location. Quoth Ted: “I just want to drive around all night.” Maybe he did drive around all night. After Segura reprimanded the thief for stealing the rig, Ted Nugent said: “Oh, OK, I will park it.” Then, he hung up. Sorta sounds like that Seinfeld episode when Jerry’s auto mechanic swiped his car because Jerry wasn’t caring for it properly. Only, Segura wasn’t laughing.

Quotable quote

“I think to make attending (“Brokeback Mountain”) a litmus test for the tolerance of homosexuality is beyond absurd. It’s, it’s, it’s blogsurd. I’m incredibly tolerant of homosexuals but I have no intent on seeing that movie. I want my cowboys stupid and insensitive. I want them saving up their buffalo nickels for trollops in Dodge City … not this” – Bob Salsbury/Unbearable Bobness of Being, tongue firmly cheeked, during Huckleberries Online debate.

Huckleberries

“The Eagle has landed. The entire clan is together again, and as soon as Adelphia gets my high-speed Internet service up and running, I’ll be living and working from our new digs, too. To quote Paul McCartney: ‘No more lonely nights.’ ” CdA Councilman Mike Kennedy, announcing to Huckleberries he’s finally an official city resident after spending three or four months with a friend to satisfy city residency requirements … Overheard at CdA Exxon: Hummer driver 1: “What kind of mileage does that Hummer get?” Hummer driver 2: “About 11 (mpg).” Driver 1: “Whoa.” Indeed, whoa … “It looks as if Mr. Oliveria had a really bad week – he seems to have aged a lot from the previous week’s photo!” Richard Miller/Sandpoint, analyzing my new mug shot. Ouch.

Parting shot

Scene: At Curley’s Hauser Junction on Jan. 28, a couple spies a man in a T-shirt that with this message: “Will Race For Sex.” Hubby: “Do you want to race?” WRFSer responded that he only raced women. Hubby’s significant other: “You should be more specific.” At that point, Mr. WRFS said he wouldn’t race anyone who could go faster than he could – a quarter mile in 7 seconds. As Jeff Foxworthy would say, you might be a redneck if you’ve ever used “Will Race For Sex” as a pickup line.