Personal round of vows

Pastor Paul Olfson is an expert on weddings.

For 25 years, he’s performed about 125 weddings per year – that’s more than 3,000 weddings. Last Sunday, though, he was on the other side of the altar, celebrating his 50th anniversary by renewing his vows with his wife, Shirley.

Olfson is the senior pastor at Country Crossroads Christian Church in north Spokane.

“Weddings are fun,” he said. “They keep me young.”

One of the reasons he’s been asked to officiate at so many weddings is that he marries couples who other pastors might refuse. He’s performed many interfaith marriages and, unlike some pastors, he’ll marry a couple that is living together.

“I say it’s about time,” Olfson chuckled.

Jay Rissmann of Mr. J’s photography has worked with Olfson at hundreds of weddings.

“Pastor Paul exhibits total caring for each couple,” he said.

Russ and Valerie Hoffer can attest to that. Their wedding 15 years ago was running a half-hour behind schedule, and Russ was very nervous. Oflson announced, “We have a nervous bridegroom!”

He then asked the pianist to play “When the Saints Go Marching In.” Taking Hoffer by the arm, he marched him around the room to the delight of the guests.

The tension melted, and the wedding proceeded smoothly.

Years later, when the Hoffer marriage hit a rough patch, Valerie recalled what Olfson had written on the back of their marriage license: “If you ever need help, call me.”

They did. Olfson welcomed them into his office for counseling. They’re still married and are now active members of his church.

As they celebrated their anniversary, Paul and Shirley reflected on their lives together. When asked the reason for their enduring marriage, they answered at the same time.

“Patience,” she said.

“Knowing when to shut up,” he said.

And they laughed.

“You have to have a good sense of humor and not take yourself too seriously,” Shirley noted. “You don’t have to agree on everything.” In fact, her husband believes that a marriage is more interesting when partners aren’t carbon copies of each other.

For example, Paul wanted to wear a Hawaiian print shirt for the renewal of their vows. Hawaiian casual wasn’t what Shirley had in mind.

Paul didn’t think she’d go for the idea, “but,” he shrugged, “I thought I’d try.”

Daughte, Sandra Olfson, a firsthand observer of her parents’ marriage, added another important ingredient: “They’re each other’s best friends,” she said.

“We’re not the Harlequin Romance couple,” Shirley said, “But we’re never boring to each other.”

After 50 years of marriage, Paul said, “She still surprises me. I love to sit and talk with her.”

Though he’s performed thousands of weddings, Olfson has given up trying to predict which marriages will thrive and which will fail.

“I’m always wrong,” he said.

He does, however, note several things that help a marriage endure.

“I tell them they need to go to church,” he recalled. He said church attendance gives them a chance to get their eyes off each other and onto the Lord.

Communication, cooperation and commitment are also necessary for a marriage to succeed.

And so, on Sunday afternoon Olfson and his bride stood before their assembled guests at Gretna Green to renew their vows. Associate Pastor Dan Eubank asked, “Paul, do you promise again to be an anchor in her ocean, the song in her heart?”

Paul replied, “I do,” and continued, “Life would be so empty without you. … You’ve given me such courage.”

Shirley was asked, “Will you hold him in your heart, when you cannot hold him in your arms?” “I will,” she replied, “and I’ll carry the tune for both of us.”

“Can I kiss her yet?” Olfson interjected.

A true wedding expert, he knows to save the best for last.