Rhonda Chriss Lokeman: Look back on anger

The results are in. The judges (aka the voices in my head) have made their decision. It’s official. The year 2006 is hereby designated (drum roll here) THE YEAR OF THE ANGRY MAN.

Oh, where to begin. There were so many to choose from worldwide: spitting athletes, cussing celebrities, impolite politicians, bigoted blowhards, overzealous dads at kids’ sports games, rap-obsessed cops and so on.

It was difficult for our panel of distinguished judges to pare down the list. Yet here they are, along with their awards for outstanding performances by an angry man.

“This year’s Up to No Goode Award goes to Rep. Virgil Goode, of Virginia. The Religious Right House member from Tom Jefferson territory believes in a religious litmus test for public service. He assailed Rep.-elect Keith Ellison, a Minnesota Muslim, who wants to use the Quran at his swearing in. Some Jews have used the Hebrew Bible. Some lawmakers used law books. There is no rule that the Christian Bible must be used. Goode doesn’t care.

Ellison becomes the first Muslim elected to Congress. Goode, who won’t apologize, would not be the first Theocrat. To Theocrats, the Bible trumps the Constitution in public service.

Goode fears hordes of Islamo-fascists will infiltrate Congress and take over the country, thereby making the Double R’s a minority. Thou shalt love thy neighbor, not diss him.

“The 2006 Nattering Nabob of Negativism Award (aka the Triple N-Word) goes to comedian Michael “Kramer” Richards for his bigoted performance at the Los Angeles Laugh Factory. Rather than use his wit to confront hecklers, Richards pulled out a bag of castrating tricks worthy of Mandingo.

“The Caracas Cuckoo Award goes to Hugo Chavez. The Venezuelan caudillo went cuckoo for coconuts at the United Nations. He also attacked President Bush as a colonial anti-Christ.

Venezuela’s president was right about Bush’s failures with Hurricane Katrina, poverty and the Third World. But he failed to use intellectual superiority to mince a mediocre mind. He went for gunboat diplomacy and cheap applause instead. The far-left Chavez is a power-mad Castro wannabe but, unlike Cuba’s Fidel, doesn’t possess a clear head to make his salient points.

“The Kill and Be Killed Award goes to Kansas Attorney General Phill Kline. Theocrat Kline is obsessed with George Tiller, who performs abortions in Kansas. Tiller’s Wichita clinic was bombed in 1985. He was shot in both arms in 1993. But Kline insists Tiller is the criminal.

“The Got Mad-Got Even Award goes to actor and Scientology devotee Tom Cruise. Fired by his studio, Cruise and his business partner went out and found another.

Cruise becomes one of the most powerful men in Hollywood and holds the future of many acting careers in his hands.