Smart Bombs: ’Twas the fight before …
’Twas the fight before Christmas
On Capitol Hill.
The Senate was schlepping
a frayed health care bill.
The pundits kept squawking
On all the wrong channels
It’s 2,000 pages! Stop the death panels!
Lobbyists were nestled all smug in their beds
While visions of filibusters danced in their heads.
When out on the lawn, a man spills from his car
Tiger’s uncaged but he doesn’t get far.
A two-timing golfer who drives but can’t steer
And Time picks Bernanke as Man of the Year?
“What about Sarah?” the Tea Party hollers
She quit as the guv to pick up some dollars.
More rapid than eagles, her new book it came
It settled old scores and called out some names.
“Oh Katie! Oh Levi! Oh Johnny McCain!
I should be the veep and you’re all to blame!”
To the top of the bookstore, to the top of the mall
Now dash away, dash away, dash away all.
So off Sarah sped for a signing at noon
When what should arise but a boy and balloon.
But his parents were lying and crying fake tears
The sheriff came calling to nationwide cheers.
And then in a twinkling, a new “hoax” was forming
An anonymous hacker chilled talks about warming.
“Return to the drilling and unfettered smelting!”
The Arctic was told that it could stop melting.
Then over the mountains and near Pakistan
Obama sent troops with no exit plan.
“This war can be won. It isn’t a clunker,”
He said while safe in his Washington bunker.
And I heard him exclaim as he narrowed his eyes
“Merry Christmas to all, have you seen my peace prize?”
Presents of mind. ’Tis the season, so here are some gift ideas for:
President Obama. Jobs, jobs, jobs. He could reverse global warming, retire the national debt and deliver health coverage for all, but if this recovery remains a jobless one, then his allies in Congress will be collecting unemployment checks next fall.
Gov. Chris Gregoire. The c-c-courage speech from “The Wizard of Oz.” Because in the misty mist and dusky dusk, she faces scary choices from top to bottomus.
Spokane Mayor Mary Verner. A winter of light snow.
The Tea Party. For improved signage, Kidpix software and a word-processing program with spell check.
GOP Chairman Michael Steele. “Populism for Dummies,” so he can enter diplomatic negotiations with the Tea Party.
Sarah Palin. A shovel, so she can burrow deeper on policy.
Birthers. A new hobby, preferably one that gets them away from their computers and out in the fresh air.
Elin Nordegren and Jenny Sanford. A round of applause for filing for divorces.
Mark Sanford. A resignation speech and hiking boots that he’ll actually use.
Tiger Woods. Penicillin and self-defense classes.
Readers: Smarter bombs next year.