Dear Annie: At a crossroads in retirement

Dear Annie: I have three kids and four bonus kids. They are all adults and living great lives. Most of them live in the same city as my husband and I.

We want to downsize and move to a quieter town, but I don’t want to move far away from them. I like the connection of them coming for the holidays and birthdays or just stopping by. That will obviously change if we move far away (even if it’s only a few hours). I also want to be in the lives of any grandchildren we might have.

I just don’t know what to do. Hubby wants to move to the coast, a plane ride away, which seems so far for me. I also worry about being a lonely old widow not close to my family! My family lives in a different country, so the kids are all the family I have here. We currently live in a big city, so selling and moving is a big step, and we won’t be able to afford to come back if we decided to leave.

I feel lost and sad as this next phase happens. – Lost in Confusion

Dear Lost in Confusion: I don’t think you are lost because I think you know what you want. You want to be close to your adult children and any future grandchildren. Being close to family is very important to you, and that makes more sense than isolating yourself hours away or even a plane ride away. Talk to your husband and ask him why he wants to move away from your current home. If he is tired of the big city, maybe you could compromise and try to budget in more vacations or time out of the city.

Home is where the heart is, and it sounds like your heart is with your children, especially if you live far away from your family in a different country.

Dear Annie: My wonderful wife and I have been married for 40-plus years. We get along in almost every way, except needing affection.

I am medically retired, unable to work or drive; she works full-time and will retire in three years.

My problem is that when she gets home, she is not in the mood for giving or receiving affection. I hate to mention it to her, as she has a fragile sense of self-worth and will look on this as being another instance where she is not good enough. For the record, I always hold her up.

I would give anything to be able to spend time holding her in my arms and cuddling. We used to have this, but when I left the workforce eight years ago, this all went away.

I love my wife but am afraid of spending the rest of my life starved for affection. What in the world can I do? I’m dying inside! – Needing Affection

Dear Needing Affection: Have you told your wife about your needs? There is a wonderful book by Gary Chapman called the “The Five Love Languages.” In the book, he describes five ways that people receive and express love in a relationship. These are words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service and receiving gifts. Knowing your partner’s love language and letting them know yours is a way to help you both feel loved and appreciated.

Maybe you and your wife could each read the book and figure out what her love language is. Yours is clearly physical touch, but maybe hers is something you’re not even aware of. Expressing your needs and listening to your wife’s needs will be an important step in rekindling the closeness you used to feel.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.