D.F. Oliveria

The Washington Legislature wrote area grass growers a blank check recently by waiving almost all rules against their controversial practice of field burning. If they're wise - and they're giving indications that they are - the farmers won't cash that check. No one wants to see carte blanche field burning, including the growers. Farmers know that a liberal burning season would be a public relations disaster, rekindling a feud with such tourism leaders as Coeur d'Alene's Duane Hagadone.

If surgeon general nominee Henry W. Foster wasn't an abortionist, liberals would run from him. Left-wingers like Doonesbury's Garry Trudeau mocked President Reagan when he couldn't remember anything about Iran or Contras. But they're noticeably mum about Foster's inability to recall whether he performed one abortion, or less than a dozen, or maybe 39 in his 38-year career as an obstetrician/gynecologist. Nor do they raise any questions about a 1978 statement Foster made (and now denies, of course) at an ethics advisory board meeting: "I have done a lot of amniocentesis and therapeutic abortions, probably near 700."

There must be something in the Lake Pend Oreille water. How else can you explain some of the silliness that has taken place in Bonner County recently? In April, the Sandpoint City Council voted to evict the acclaimed Festival at Sandpoint from its waterfront setting after the 1997 season. And a teenager was searched after a suspicious-looking fern leaf was found next to his check stub in a garbage can.

Kootenai County commissioners finally did the right thing at a State Line speedway owned by Post Falls Councilman Joe Doellefeld. Upset constituents and a possible violation of the open-meeting law helped show commissioners the error of their ways. On Friday, they rescinded a decision allowing Doellefeld to hold weekly training and noise-testing sessions at the dirt track. That ruling had been made a week earlier in a private meeting with Doellefeld. Now, a noise-reducing berm must be completed at the track before any practices or tests can be run. The board of commissioners can keep itself out of such pickles by following a simple rule of thumb: When in doubt, always notify the public and conduct open meetings.

Andy Brunelle shows his appreciation oddly. Brunelle? He was an aide to ex-Gov. Cecil Andrus, and created a stir last December by accepting a set of custom-made golf clubs from the grateful forest industry. No ethics policies were violated, though, because Brunelle was between government jobs. (He's now with the U.S. Forest Service.) But the story doesn't end there. Brunelle proved his golf game needs fine-tuning during a recent round at the Hayden Lake Country Club with Joe Hinson, the Intermountain Forest Industry Association exec. While waiting for his new clubs to be made, Brunelle shanked a drive - and dented Joe's Blazer.

Gulf USA Corp. retirees got the shaft pure and simple. Officials and attorneys who picked over the bones of this erstwhile corporate giant didn't leave much for those who depend on their meager pensions and health benefits.

Idaho Secretary of State Pete Cenarrusa finally has seen the light. All he needed to flip the switch was a devastating car bomb and dozens, possibly hundreds, of dead Americans in an Oklahoma City federal building. Now, Cenarrusa, the longest-serving public servant in Idaho history, says he was duped into lending his name and office to the militia movement. Said Cenarrusa: "I'm not supporting the militia, because I don't know anything about them." In this instance, ignorance no longer is bliss.

Just as Americans banded together to help terrorism's victims, so must we repudiate its fomenters. The O.J. Simpson trial has kept domestic violence on the front page, and a triple murder in the King County Courthouse last month added a regional exclamation point. Women increasingly are being hunted down and abused by obsessed partners - even in the halls of justice. The Seattle killings by an estranged husband during divorce proceedings focused attention on courthouse security. Equal attention needs to be given women seeking protection orders against abusive mates.

Strangely, Aryan Nations leader Richard Butler denounced the Oklahoma City bombing with more fervor than did U.S. Rep. Helen Chenoweth, R-Idaho. At first, that is. Said the reverend: "We can't go around bombing people and win." Butler added that his troops "engage in the hearts and minds of our people" - not warfare. (Hmmmm. Apparently, he's forgotten that his compound was a spawning ground for The Order and Bruder Schweigen Strike Force II.) Meanwhile, Chenoweth initially was lukewarm in her denunciation: "While we can never condone this, we still must begin to look at the public policies that may be pushing people too far." Huh? Later, she clarified herself, stating properly that the bombing "was not politics - it was murder." Open mouth, extract foot.

Ah, the jokers - er, make that the jokes - were wild, as local elephants and donkeys eulogized and demonized, respectively, the GOP's "Contract With America" on Wednesday. ... Idaho state Republican Chairman Randy Smith told all who had forked over 40 clams that Kootenai County is (smooch smooch) essential and (Iluvaluvaluvyou) appreciated. Why, then, did he keep referring to it as "Kooten-eye County"? ... GOP emcee Pete Erbland genuflected to Rush, "The G-Man," et al.: "Let's not forget the impact of talk radio. You can finally bypass the normal media." I resent that, counselor. I've never met any normal media types. Fox trots stuff: Schools superintendent Anne Fox told the Lincoln Day gathering about having signed an autograph for a boy at a Boise shopping mall. Curious, she asked how he knew her. Responded the tyke: "You're my most favorite TV personality. I watch you every night on the evening news." ... Erbland deadpanned that Fox's greatest accomplishment was getting O.J. Simpson off Page 1. ... Fox finished on a high note: "You just watch out because the Fox is after the hounds, and she's on the move." Down but not out: Meanwhile, singing in their beer, the Jeffersonians offered new lyrics to an old GOP favorite: "In '94, we didn't win, but we'll get back in the game again; happy days will come again." ... State Sen. Clyde Boatright, R-Rathdrum, was targeted in a skit by a look-alike who said he was from North Idaho "where the wind blows so hard even Republican turkeys can fly." (Apparently, Democratic turkeys are too heavy, though. Right, Bob Brown?) ... Then, "Newt Gingrich" ended the debate about public-broadcast funding by shooting Big Bird. Harharhar? Later, Brad Stoddard was seen consoling two of his young sons, explaining that Big Bird wasn't really dead.

Environmentalists are the Chicken Littles of our society. They work people up over bogus manmade "disasters": The globe is warming! There's a hole in our ozone layer! The spotted owl needs old-growth forests to survive! Then, Americans rush to spend billions correcting questionable problems.

Talk radio is starting to eat its own: KXLY-AM's Jim Bickel quit this week after a female caller accused him of impregnating her. The accusation was nonsense, but some of Bickel's listeners believed her! Talk radio attracts loony tunes such as Bickel's tormenter because it allows anonymous callers to say anything they want. In fact, fringe hosts encourage such rhetoric. Ex-Watergate felon G. Gordon Liddy, for example, has discussed his genitalia size and recommends that youngsters in dangerous inner-city schools pack firearms. Talk radio often is entertaining, therapeutic (for disenfranchised conservatives) and informative. But the industry must do more to screen out crazies - on both ends of the phone line. Sandpoint council: Let them eat cake! Marie Antoinette would have served cake. But the Sandpoint City Council offered only a dial tone and Little Orphan Annie eyes to residents who showed up en masse to support the acclaimed Festival at Sandpoint. Instead, the council voted 5-1 to evict the festival from its traditional waterfront setting in three years. Said Councilman Ray Miller: "When you find a compromise nobody likes, it's probably the right one." Not this time, Ray. By caving in to an unhappy minority, the council could chase off the community's biggest annual attraction. That doesn't make sense. But Marie Antoinette arrogantly ignored the rabble, too - until she saw the guillotine. For Mayor Ron Chaney and three council members, the day of reckoning comes this November.

We saw Wednesday where unchecked hatred for government leads. A car bomb killed dozens, probably hundreds, of men, women and children in a federal building in, of all places, Oklahoma City. Not the U.S. Embassy in Beirut. Or an Israeli Embassy anywhere. Or even the World Trade Center in New York City. Oklahoma City. In the heartland of America.

The suspension of a Sandpoint High student for having a pocketknife in his locked van parallels a recent episode of "The Simpsons." In the show, bumbling, opinionated Homer becomes head of a neighborhood watch group, vowing to stop a notorious cat burglar who swiped his daughter's saxophone. But Homer's group quickly loses focus and becomes a power-tripping, vigilante mob.

Connie House and Dan Hicks were visiting at the Kootenai County Retired Teachers Association luncheon last week when Connie ran out of water. So, Dan hailed a waitress who seemed confused by Connie's request for a refill. Dan then motioned to a small table that had two pitchers of water, and the waitress hesitantly filled Connie's glass. Later, Connie and Dan noticed with trepidation that their "waitress" was sitting at the head table next to association president Roger Young. Yep, they'd been served by Colleen Kelsy, director of the Post Falls alternative school, New Visions. I hope they left a good tip for the 1994 Idaho teacher of the year. 'Amazing Grace' sightems: More local actors in Patty Duke's TV series: professional witness Jim Clark and Judge James Judd in a courtroom scene, Mandee Kaiser in revivalist Burt Reynolds' choir, Terry Lincoln as a church trustee, and George Marler ("four times" according to the Kootenai Medical Center purchasing department). Any more? ... "Amazing Grace" got two (of four) thumbs up from the Oliveria Family Rating System. Mom & Dad voted thumbs up; Junior and the Woman Cub, thumbs down. Challenged Junior, "You wouldn't like it if it hadn't been filmed in Coeur d'Alene." (The kid comes by cynicism honestly.) And the Woman Cub declared: "Boring."

It's easy to blame others for the tension and racial strife gripping our country. Scapegoats abound. Gonzaga University has a racist who gets his or her kicks by mailing anonymous threats to black law students. Some southern Idaho farmers consider Mexican-American laborers subhuman, according to a study. And area supremacist Richard Butler still attracts converts to a perverted brand of religion laced with racism.

You don't have to be an "angry white male" to realize affirmative action has legalized reverse discrimination at work, on college campuses, and for government contracts. Consider Charles Geshekter, a California professor who wrote in his local newspaper:

Wilderness Society President G. Jon Roush isn't a Bill Arthur, but you'd never know that from listening to people squawk about his recent logging operation. Talk-radio godfather Rush Limbaugh denounced Roush as a hypocrite for logging more than 400,000 board feet of timber on his Western Montana ranch - 12 years after he had stopped a sale of 16 million board feet on Bitterroot National Forest land abutting his property.

I've thought about Larry Patterson a lot since former Defense Secretary Robert McNamara offered his mea culpas about Vietnam. Larry and I formed the double-play combination for the 1967 Gridley (Calif.) High School baseball team. Larry played second base. At the time, I thought he had it all - senior class president, letters in three sports and a cheerleader on both arms. I went to college, and Larry got into drug trouble. He had a choice: Go into the service or go to jail. He chose the military. One day while he was fighting "McNamara's War," a mortar round hit the truck he was driving. Herbert Hoover was right, "Older men declare war. But it is youth that must fight and die." If Larry, Dan Prock, Steve Squires and other classmates who fought in that "damned ol' Southeast Asian war" were alive today, they'd join me in giving McNamara a razzberry for his 20/20 hindsight. Since they're just names on a memorial now, I'll do it for them: "Pfhtttt."

Curt Doty and Deborah Rockstrom knew the consequences when they decided to kill helpless loved ones, critically injured in tragic accidents. In February, Rockstrom turned herself in to Spokane police after smothering her paralyzed teenage daughter. Doty was willing to sacrifice his freedom last November when he shot his comatose brother twice in the head at the Kootenai Medical Center in Coeur d'Alene. He pleaded guilty to voluntary manslaughter this week and now faces a prison sentence of up to 15 years.

The Washington Horse Racing Commission and its Western Washington buddies don't play fair with the Playfair Race Course. So, the commission deserves a clever amendment to Washington's $18 billion budget that forces it to do so. Simply, the amendment, sponsored by state Sen. Jim West, R-Spokane, requires the three commissioners to give the state's three major racing associations a minimum season of 60 days with statewide off-track betting. Unless it complies, the commission won't get its $4.73 million state appropriation. Only Playfair has less than 60 days.

Benewah County (Idaho) Commissioner Jack Buell isn't a left-wing, granola-chewing, tree-hugging animal lover from New York. Nor is he a gun hater. Buell, the straight-shooting owner of a St. Maries trucking company, owns guns (as do fellow commissioners N.L. "Bud" McCall and George "Bud" Mills), loves guns and is a member of the National Rifle Association.

Sniveling Idaho schools superintendents and their willing accomplice, The Associated Press, violated Oliveria's First Law of Public Criticism: If you're going to write something nasty about someone, have the guts to put your name on it. (That's why I like signed editorials.) About 40 percent of the state's superintendents asked that their names not be used in an AP poll and story about state Superintendent Anne Fox's performance. They feared their candor (sniff!) might lead to retributions against their districts (sniff!). And that people in their districts who support Fox might get angry and withhold their votes on funding issues (honk!). What poppycock! Most educrats had it in for Fox before she took office (and gave them legitimate reasons to gripe.) I rank anonymous phone callers, letter writers and school superintendents below pond scum. The AP should, too.

An incomprehensible memo from U.S. Forest Service chief Jack Ward Thomas has underlings in stitches. Wrote Thomas on March 6: "I expect deputy chiefs, associate deputy chiefs and Washington office staff directors to emphasize and to be able to assure that 'horizontal' behavior has been considered and instituted to the extent appropriate to the specific situation." Gadzooks! Who says the USFS isn't accommodating? Before your mind wanders too far, try this definition for "horizontal behavior": teamwork. Onward.