Heavenly Course, Round From Hell New Holes, New Challenges Await Golfers Who Try The Spokesman-Review’s Second Dream Course

My first thought, when the alarm erupted at 3:30 a.m., was that it wasn’t too late to abort the mission.

Because in those stark, pre-dawn moments, a reality struck: This challenge, although of my own contrivance, was too much for me.

Foolishly, I had committed to play, in one long summer day, all 18 of the holes that area pros voted as the best in the region. They were the most difficult holes, of course, adding up to nearly 7,400 yards at nine different courses. Plus, from doorstep to doorstep, it would require nearly 300 miles of driving.

Ahead of me lay ten par-4s that AVERAGED 435 yards, four par-5s that, laid end-to-end, stretched for more than 1 miles, a par-3 that went 232 yards - straight uphill.

And yes, of course, a green that thought it was a boat.

Go back to bed, regain your senses, see if you can get on later at Pine Acres.

Thankfully, with the wife’s nudging, I finally pulled free of the bed - if not the self-doubts.

And yes, in this 17-hour magical misery tour, I would come to curse the gray dust that had once been the bones of those bored shepherds who invented this game by batting around dried dung with bent sticks.

There would be shanks, dubs, chili-dips and more three-putts than one man should be asked to tolerate - the sum of which was an entirely delicious, totally outrageous golf experience.

It started at sunrise at The Coeur d’Alene Resort on a morning so calm that not a single geranium stirred. The security guard said a cart with the keys in it was waiting on the No. 1 tee.

Let the odyssey begin.

With nobody there but playing partner and fellow sportswriter Mike Sando - and a flock of seemingly amused seagulls - the No. 2 hole offered the first challenge.

I wasn’t loose (actually, barely awake), and I shank-dribbled my drive so badly I still needed a wedge to reach the women’s tee.

The shepherds hit those dung drops farther than that.

Even the gulls laughed.

I rallied for a bogey despite the fact that it was so early that the pins were off-duty someplace, and it was impossible to judge where the hole was on the approach.

No. 18, a dogleg par-4, gave me the first of the day’s many doublebogeys - but also an interesting surprise. After driving into a fairway bunker the size of Silver Beach, I despaired that the rakes must have been taken in overnight.

After looking around, though, I found that they have their own built-in-the-ground, discreet holding areas, where they will never rudely deflect the path of a ball. Or ruin this scenic splendor on the grass.

They thought of everything at this remarkably plush course.

The par-5 No. 11 seems to have been lifted from Augusta National and air-dropped in Coeur d’Alene, and although I reached in three, I went to the wrong tier on the pin-less green (that’s my excuse) and three-putted for a bogey.

We played the floating No. 14 last. It was either wait until somebody with a boat arrived, or try to backstroke with our putters.

My 6-iron shot found the rough, 40 feet right of the pin. A little bumped wedge shot rolled directly at the cup and sat unwaveringly on the edge of the lip - like Cindy Crawford’s mole.

I jumped up and down, trying to make the barge shake enough to make the ball fall. No luck. I had played that chip with more wave action in mind. Still, I got away with a par on the hole that the pros had voted “Best of the Best,” because of its uniqueness.

No. 9 and No. 16 at MeadowWood came next, and probably provided my best performance as I bogeyed 9 despite leaking my drive in the drink, and then scored a par to treasure on the gargantuan, 607-yard No. 16.

Liberty Lake No. 5 was the longest par-4 on the “course,” measuring 463 from the blues. That meant that a short drive forced me to pull out my miscreant 3-wood, a club that is only one shank away from garage sale consignment.

An unprecedented line drive straight up the gut, though, left me on the fringe. But my subsequent 5-foot sidehiller for par missed by a comical margin - one of a dozen short putts that were destined to defy me this day.

Another long, straight drive was wasted at Downriver No. 5 as I came away from that test with another bogey and headed to a crucial stretch of holes at Indian Canyon.

The revered Canyon had three holes voted to the Best 18, and all were not only difficult, but crowded.

And as we tried to join up with twosomes or threesomes, or slip between foursomes without intruding, the pressure to play quickly mounted. We found that it was already difficult to develop a tempo when playing one hole at one site and the next 30 miles away, but when the urge to rush shots was added to it, my game unraveled.

No. 5, which I bogeyed, was “the turn,” and I was only 7-over after nine from the distant blue tees. Hey, I thought, I’m going to master this round from hell with a heroic score in the mid-80s.

But I came away from No. 8 with shaky bogey before No. 14 TKO’d me with a double-bogey 6.

It launched a string of four straight doubles that doomed hopes of any appearance in the 80s.

The wind at The Fairways, and greens that were twice as quick as anything we had played, led to misclubbing and a pair of three-putt double-bogeys on No. 13 and 18.

I hate golf’s guts.

It became increasingly apparent that the problem with this “course” is that there’s never a hole that lets you get well, no breathers.

So, the blood continued to flow at the 451-yard, par-4 No. 12 at The Creek at Qualchan, where another good drive was wasted with a chilidipped wedge and yippy putting. Double.

My drive on Qualchan 18 had to have flown 300 yards and rested very near the end of the fairway in front of the scenic/deadly canyon. But it still took two to get on and two more to get down as another missed 5-footer for par doomed me to a bogey.

Can’t someone please tighten these lugnuts?

Hangman Valley’s despicably long No. 13 and No. 16 came next as we worked our way into late afternoon.

Both resulted in thankful bogeys, as the monstrous, 606-yard No. 16 may have been the most challenging hole of the day.

Some people complain about the distance between one green and the next tee.

Well, this one was our “road hole,” 82 miles, all the way down to Moscow, Idaho, and the 232-yard, par-3 No. 17. There are easier par-4s in the region.

The long drive down was rewarded with a stiff-backed shank-hook onto the 16th fairway, leaving me a blind wedge shot to a green probably 60 feet above my head. I finally got some good luck, accidentally finding the green with the wedge and two-putting for a scrambling bogey.

The final damages, a 21-over-par 93.

At 3:30 that morning, if some mystical voice had offered me a 93 from the blues on a course this difficult, I’d have snapped at it without hesitation. But it meant that after being only 8-over on the first 10 holes, I had dropped 13 strokes to par on the final eight.

Not exactly a sterling finish.

But before reaching home at 9:30 p.m., the value of what we’d done was absorbed: And that was the exploration of the wealth of sensational golf holes we have in the region.

How amazing it was that we could pick representatives from a number of different courses that could be combined - through the compression of time and distance - into one of the finest courses in the world.

To top it off, in my case, I’m calling it a work day and claiming 28 cents a mile.

But better still is that, at least for now, I hold the course record.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Color Photo

MEMO: These sidebars appeared with the story: 1. THE CHOSEN 18 As selected in a poll of 22 area golf pros

PAR 4s

NO. 14 Indian Canyon 438 yards Anything but a perfect drive results in severely sloped lie for second shot. Top vote-getter in poll. (15 votes)

NO. 5 Indian Canyon 403 yards Narrow, long, treacherous green; it’s not tricky, but nonetheless deadly. (14 votes)

NO. 12 The Creek at Qualchan 426 yards Water, sand, trees, length, the only hazard this one doesn’t have is a swarm of locusts. (12 votes)

NO. 5 Downriver 447 yards Killer trees dictate straight tee ball and smallish green forces accurate approach. (11 votes)

NO. 18 Coeur d’Alene Resort 451 yards Long, challenging finisher with deep and dangerous fairway bunkers. (8 votes)

NO. 5 Liberty Lake 463 yards Not the most scenic hole, but one of the most grueling par 4s as much of its abundant length is uphill. (7 votes)

NO. 9 MeadowWood 425 yards Water, sand, length and wind combine to make this a hazardous hole. (7 votes)

NO. 18 The Fairways 413 yards Rugged finishing hole with OB on both sides and a lake forcing a difficult second-shot carry to a greasy-quick green. (6 votes)

NO. 2 Coeur d’Alene Resort 436 yards Uphill, dogleg right to long, tiered green. (6 votes)

NO. 13 Hangman 449 yards Not many tricks here, just a very long fairway to a well-bunkered and steeply sloping green. (6 votes)

PAR 3s

NO. 14 Coeur d’Alene Resort 154 yards Unique floating green is visually spectacular and increasingly more treacherous as winds pick up. Voted Best of the Best by area pros. (12 votes)

NO. 8 Indian Canyon 224 yards Right-to-left players need not apply. Work only begins once you reach the green. (8 votes)

NO. 13 The Fairways 172 yards Wind defends this peninsula green, forcing widely varied club selection off tee. Slick, sloped green has 3-putt written all over it. (6 votes)

NO. 17 U of Idaho 232 yards Amazing length compounded by it being uphill with sudden death on the right and lingering illness on the left. (6 votes)

PAR 5s

NO. 18 The Creek at Qualchan 497 yards Moderate length is deceiving since 100-yard carry over canyon often dictates a lay-up second shot. (12 votes)

NO. 11 Coeur d’Alene Resort 530 yards Narrow landing area off tee. Creek crossing in front of green discourages those trying to reach in two. (8 votes)

NO. 16 MeadowWood 607 yards If you somehow battle past miles of rough and sand, and negotiate the last 180 yards straight uphill, you’re rewarded with a severe green. (8 votes)

NO. 16 Hangman 606 yards Spectacularly long hole that can force some to use three woods to even get in the same zip code as the green. (7 votes)

Total yardage: 7,373 Par: 72 Rating: 75.8

2. HOW THE ‘COURSE’ WAS PUT TOGETHER There are 18 holes in this area that rival anything the PGA touring pros face. They’re just not all on one course. Area pros were asked this summer to vote on the best 18 holes at the region’s public courses - 10 par-4s, four par-3s and four par-5s. Twenty-two pros voted - not counting the one who listed 18 absolutely awful holes as a feeble joke - and 123 different holes were recognized. The “course” that resulted from the voting plays to an incredible 7,361 yards from the blue tees, with a mythical course rating of 75.8 and slope of 132. Those figures, graciously compiled by area course-evaluater Marty Kofmehl, show a higher rating than Pebble Beach (74.4). Sahalee Country Club in Redmond, generally regarded as the best course in Washington, has a rating of 73.2 and slope of 133. Asked, also, to select a “Best of the Best,” pros chose the unique, floating green at The Coeur d’Alene Resort. Mike Rostollan, pro at Colville Elks, captured the gist of the voting on No. 14 at the resort by commenting. “(There’s) nothing like it in the whole world!” Indian Canyon No. 14 was second in the “Best of the Best.” voting. The Spokesman-Review conducted a similar poll eight years ago, and only four holes, Indian Canyon 5 and 14, Hangman Valley 16, and University of Idaho 17 repeated from that list. That’s due, largely, to the addition of several outstanding new courses - particularly The Coeur d’Alene Resort, MeadowWood, The Creek at Qualchan and The Fairways. By course, The Coeur d’Alene Resort had four holes honored. Indian Canyon had three, MeadowWood, Qualchan, Hangman and The Fairways had two each, with one each at Liberty Lake, Downriver and U of Idaho. A number of holes that drew strong support but didn’t quite make the list included: Par-4s - Coeur d’Alene Municipal 12, Chewelah 9, Wandermere 17, Liberty Lake 17, Indian Canyon 16 and Liberty Lake 2. Par-3s - Qualchan 4, Hidden Lakes 16, Coeur d’Alene Resort 12, MeadowWood 11 and Hidden Lakes 3. Par-5s - Indian Canyon 18, Hangman 5, Hidden Lakes 11, Stoneridge 17, U of Idaho 4 and Indian Canyon 12. -Dave Boling