Bill’s Home The ‘Gatesway’ To Technology

Microsoft magnate Bill Gates, the geek who shall inherit the Earth, is building a new home, and he’s pouring into it his money, technology, and all the heart and soul he can muster.

The computerized climate-controlled maximum-security project, which Gates gleefully describes in his new memoirs, might sound like the space station in the movie “2001” to someone who lacks his vision. (“Open the bathroom door, HAL! This isn’t funny!”) But what could some low-tech typist like me know that Gates doesn’t?

One of us has become all-powerful and incredibly wealthy by being able to anticipate, shape and service the future. The other is a layoff away from standing by the freeway with a sign that says “Will Make Fun of Things for Food.”

Gates plans to move into his palace - with its 20-vehicle garage, 32-screen video wall and room for 100 at dinner - next year. A decade from now, though, he expects us all to be ready for the opportunities his home will afford, which got me thinking about my own modest shelter.

Bill’s home: Compound on the shore of Lake Washington near Seattle offers seclusion.

Phil’s home: Condo in the heart of Los Angeles’ San Fernando Valley with a neighbor upstairs who has a capuchin monkey.

Bill’s home: Residents and visitors wear special microchip badges that let the house know where they are at all times.

Phil’s home: Thin walls and ceilings let you know where others - including the upstairs neighbor and his pet monkey - are at all times.

Bill’s home: Special badges enable house to keep visitors out of areas they should not be.

Phil’s home: Doors sometimes stick in summer.

Bill’s home: Badges enable house to turn on lights in rooms where people are and turn them off in rooms where people aren’t.

Phil’s home: Light switches.

Bill’s home: Residents may inform the house of their musical preferences, enabling tunes of their choice to follow them from room to room.

Phil’s home: Sound of neighbor with monkey playing Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” over and over reverberates through the ceiling.

Bill’s home: House can change music or other entertainment as instructed.

Phil’s home: Sometimes the guy with the monkey listens to Michael Jackson’s “Ben” over and over instead.

Bill’s home: People may watch TV and videos and, when they leave the room, programs can follow them through house.

Phil’s home: People may watch TV and videotapes and, when they leave the room, they can yell, “Hey, turn it up!”

Bill’s home: If two people watching different programs enter the same room, the home may choose programming that they both like.

Phil’s home: Whoever has the zapper rules.

Bill’s home: Has L-shaped swimming pool with underwater music.

Phil’s home: Has bathtub, and even running water cannot drown out Whitney Houston and Michael Jackson played by guy and monkey.

Yeah, it’s amazing what Gates can do with a few billion in the bank, some cutting-edge technology and a little creativity. Fortunately, I don’t suffer from any of that.

Until they make a home capable of picking dirty socks off the floor and throwing out old pizza cartons, I plan to stay put.

But the guy with the monkey upstairs sounds like he’s ready to move.