Making Nice A Good Disposition Contributes To Healthier, Happier Life
What’s the one thing that can improve your health, reduce stress and even help you live longer?
The answer doesn’t come in a pill or a potion: Believe it or not, simply being nice is the magic wand.
People who routinely help others - on the job or through charitable activities - have fewer trips to the doctor, according to Ervin Staub, a professor of psychology at the University of Massachusetts in Amherst.
Nice people have stronger marriages than do people who aren’t as considerate of their mates.
Being kind pays off in close friendships, which in turn help ease stress.
Niceness may even enhance longevity: In a study of men who had suffered heart attacks, doctors found that those who were gloomy by nature were more likely to die within eight years than those who had sunnier dispositions.
But even as researchers learn more about the payoffs of being nice, many are concerned that as a whole, the nation is taking a psychological swing in the opposite direction.
“Many people today feel that our system doesn’t work, which makes them less likely to reach out to others in a positive way,” says Allan Luks, executive director of Big Brothers/ Big Sisters in New York and author of “The Healing Power of Doing Good” (Ballantine, 1991).
As a result, experts feel it’s more crucial now than ever for people to take a kinder, gentler approach to life. Here’s how.
Secret stress fighter
Despite its Pollyanna reputation, niceness reflects psychological strength. “Being nice shouldn’t be confused with being a pushover,” notes Blair Justice, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas in Austin. “Instead, a nice person is someone who is considerate of others, yet is assertive about her own needs,” Justice says.
One reason this attitude pays off in better health and happiness is that nice people tend to be optimists, says Martin Seligman, author of “Learned Optimism” (Knopf, 1991).
“Optimists have better-functioning immune systems,” he says, “and that helps ward off disease.” Optimists may also take better care of their health than their grumpier peers, preventing illnesses from occurring in the first place.
Being upbeat and positive also acts as a buffer against the harmful effects of stress.
“Someone who is nice may be less likely to fly off the handle in reaction to stressful events from everyday hassles like traffic jams to biggies such as job loss,” Justice says. Such people are calmer, in part because they have lower levels of stress chemicals such as norepinephrine and cortisol in their bodies than do people with a less rosy view of the world.
It’s these hormones that put you at risk for heart disease, Justice says. Nice people are also less likely to suffer from stress-related symptoms such as headaches. The end result: They’re healthier and happier.
So how can this news help you? We can all learn to have a more optimistic outlook on life, Justice says. “Think of happy people you know and use them as your role models,” he suggests. “The more you’re around them, the more their attitude will rub off on you.”
Another strategy is to fake the feeling. “When you’re in a bad mood, act as if you’re in a good one,” Justice says. “Before long, you will be.”
And limit your contact with gloom-and-doom types - they’ll just drag you down.
More love: Giving strengthens bonds
Not surprisingly, nice people often have good marriages and close friends, and tend to do well on the job.
“That’s because being nice fosters a critical sense of connection with others,” Staub says. When you do something for someone else - a favor for a co-worker, cooking up a special dinner for your spouse - it creates an instant bond with that person. “You also gain a boost in self-esteem, which reinforces the desire to be nice again,” Staub says.
“In relationships, niceness is a you-scratch-my-back, I’ll-scratch-yours proposition,” agrees Ray Bixler, a professor emeritus in psychology at the University of Louisville, Ky. “But for most, it’s not a calculated effort - it’s something that comes naturally.”
In fact, focusing on what you may gain by being nice can backfire.
“Research indicates that giving is the key to deriving benefits,” says David Rosenhan, a professor of psychology and law at Stanford University.
There is a measurable, positive change in the immune system when you engage in a give-and-take interaction with others - meaning that deepening relationships with family and friends not only strengthens the bonds between you all, but also may improve your health.
How to tell if your relationships could use a softer touch? One clue is to think about the usual tone of your interactions with others, Staub says: “People tend to act the way they’re treated. If you’re aggressive, they’ll be aggressive. If you’re nice, they will be, too.”
Fortunately, anyone can learn to build warmer, closer relationships into their life. “Little gestures really count,” Staub says. So surprise your family with a favorite dessert, lend an ear to a friend in need. Your reward will be more good interactions - one way that being nice can snowball into a lifestyle.
Or reach out in a bigger way by volunteering, Luks says: “Research shows that volunteers get a ‘helper’s high,’ triggered by the release in the body of mood-elevating chemicals called endorphins.”
The bottom line: The more you give, the happier and healthier you’ll be.
MEMO: Carla Rohlfing is a senior editor at Family Circle.