Cheap Seats
A little Kryptonite in the Gatorade, perhaps?
Clothes do not necessarily make the man. Washington State University record holder Simon Shirley showed up at this year’s big decathlon meet in Gotzis, Austria, wearing a Superman outfit, sans cape.
It didn’t help. The native Australian, now competing for Britain, finished 20th with 7,822 points.
Nonetheless, reported decathlon maven Frank Zarnowski in his newsletter DECA, Shirley mentioned the possibility of wearing a Batman outfit next year.
Perhaps The Joker would be more appropriate.
It’s lonely at the top
Arrogant? The Cleveland Indians? Yes, indeed, insists Texas pitcher Bob Tewksbury, who has slammed the Tribe for a lack of professionalism.
“You look at them during batting practice, and one guy’s on the field with a blue top, the next guy’s got a red top,” Tewksbury said. “One guy’s taking infield with his hat on, the next guy has hat off.”
He also rapped a player who “walks to left field.” That would be Albert Belle, of course. But manager Mike Hargrove took umbrage on behalf of the team.
“I don’t understand how somebody with no knowledge of the situation could make such a comment,” he said. “I wouldn’t know Bob Tewksbury if he walks through that door. (The comments) paint a very untrue picture of this club, and I really resent that. I’ve been accused of being a lot of things in my life but not unprofessional.”
Belle, meanwhile, offered this explanation: “When I walk out to left field,” Belle said, “I’m in the process of separating my offense from my defense. I could see where the other side may pick up some bad vibes from that, but I’m not going to win every game with my bat. I may go 0 for 4, but I can still help us win by making four tremendous catches in the outfield.”
But what about innings when you don’t bat, Al?
What do women want?
Beats us. Let’s listen in: Oscar-winning actress Marlee Matlin was once invited by ex-owner Bruce McNall into the Los Angeles Kings’ locker room after a game. According to Inside Sports magazine, this was her reaction: “The next thing I knew, there was Ron Duguay standing in front of me. He came right up to me with just a towel around his body - nothing else. I said to myself: ‘God bless hockey!’ “
Then there’s actress Heather Locklear, asked by Esquire magazine what smells great on a man: “Basketball. After a game, it’s great if they don’t shower. Sweat from head to toe is yummy.”
Physician, heal thyself
Mets pitcher Doc Gooden, suspended for 1995 for failing drug tests, will host a radio show in St. Petersburg, Fla., called “Let’s Make a House Call with Doc.”
Let’s hope he’s good at it. Among the teams scouting Gooden, who hopes to return to pitching in 1996, are the Atlanta Braves - but general manager John Schuerholz says he’s not interested.
“We may well have had a scout there, but I sure as hell didn’t send him,” Schuerholtz said.
The last word …
“One of the things they could do to speed up play in the National League is not to hit the ball to Jose Offerman.”
- Michael Ventre, Los Angeles Daily News
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo