From The Home Office…
Former umpire Steve Palermo has had his crack at tinkering with baseball. Now check out David Letterman’s Top 10 list of proposed new rules:
10. Clothing optional in dugouts.
9. Infield chatter must be in the form of a question.
8. Knock out beer vendor with ball and you automatically win the game.
7. Extra outs for every person on your team named “Mookie,” “Scooter” or “Pee Wee.”
6. Games will not start until the players’ drugs have kicked in.
5. No more keeping your eye on the ball.
4. Goodbye Gatorade, hello Riunite! 3. If catcher snags your pop foul, he gets to make out with your wife in the stands for awhile.
2. No team roster may include more than two dismissed Simpson jurors.
1. Reach a base, do a shot.
Two copyrights make a wrong
He’s been known as “Air McNair” throughout his college football days, but Steve McNair may have to pay for the privilege from now on. Three employees of a San Diego TV station have filed a trademark application for commercial rights to the nickname.
“I guess this is my welcome to the real world,” McNair said. “I guess people are going to do whatever they feel they have to do, even if it means making money off another man’s name without even asking his permission.”
One of the three KGTV staffers, Chris Pheil, said the group wants “to work with (McNair) if he’s open to the idea. We don’t want to deprive him of anything he’s entitled to. We’re not trying to take money out of his pocket; we’re trying to put money in it. We just wanted to get this thing done before we started calling them. Hopefully, it can benefit all of us.”
Caution - dude crossing
The golf course on California’s Catalina Island has one rule that has never been violated. Near the seventh tee stands a sign that reads: “Absolutely no snowmobiling.”
The NBA it’s Fab-tastic
Chris Webber looks like a genius now. Back on April 29, the Bullets forward and former Fab Fiver was guest analyst on TNT’s studio show with Ernie Johnson, who asked: “Who do you like in the Western Conference?” “I like Houston,” Webber said, though at the time the Rockets trailed Utah 1-0 in the first round and had just the 10th best record in the NBA.
“Do you really?” Johnson asked incredulously.
“They’re still the champs,” Webber said. “They have great players around a great player, and that’s Hakeem. He’s just incredible. He changes the whole atmosphere of a game.”
Mulligan
Marv Albert sat in for TV columnist Rudy Martzke in USA Today recently and took a few well-placed shots. “I called the Golf Channel this week to check their ratings,” Albert wrote. “The guy who answered said, ‘Lessee … just gimme a five.’ “
The last word …
“My job is to create. I’m a creator.”
- Providence point guard recruit God Shammgod, honest to God
, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Photo