Sex Abuse Victims Not Always Women

When someone is said to be a victim of sexual abuse, the natural assumption is that the victim is a woman. But men are and have been victims, too.

That’s the reason for the World Interdisciplinary Conference on Male Sexual Victimization, the sixth version of which is scheduled for Oct. 5-7 in Columbus, Ohio.

Workshops held over the three-day event will involve 12 different program tracks, from survivors to alternative therapies, advocacy and legislative issues and spirituality. The keynote address will be delivered by Terry Tafoya, PH. D., a psychologist associated with Taos Pueblo/Warm Spring Indian tribes.

Registration for all three days is $275 ($150 for students), if paid before July 30. For registration information, write to: Learning Alliance, 324 Lafayette, New York, NY 10012. Or fax to: (212) 274-8712.

Looking inside: Those men who find it difficult, if not impossible, to deal with the women in their lives might learn a few things from Jerrold Lee Shapiro, author of “Measure of a Man” (Perigree, 409 pages, $14 paperback)

For example, Shapiro addresses the following question: “What am I supposed to do when my wife asks me how I’m feeling and I don’t know?”

Shapiro’s answer: “The first step is to recognize that you don’t know. Second, don’t assume you have to know on her timetable or according to her style of question. Then try to discover what feeling you do have.”

Of course man have feelings, Shapiro contends. Some of us just tend to have trouble attaching words to them.

Go ahead, Altoona: Speaking of men who have trouble dealing with women, let’s note that talk-show host Larry King has been married six times. His excuse? “I have a short attention span,” he says.

Chains of love: Child support is a concept that, in some divorce cases, causes hard feelings long after the marriage has been dissolved. One way to avoid anger, no matter what your ex-spouse does, is to try to remember that the money is meant for your children.

But alimony? That’s a different story. Consider the case of Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass), who divorced one Julie Thorne in 1988. The two settled on an alimony schedule, which until recently has been satisfactory to both parties.

But now, Thorne is suing for higher support payments.

It must be a coincidence that the suit was filed a couple of months before Kerry married Teresa Heinz, a widow who just happens to control a $675 million estate.

, DataTimes ILLUSTRATION: Drawing