Nba For $100: Bulls, Suns And The Sonics
Announcer: This is NBA Jeopardy! Now entering our studio are today’s contestants - Charles, an aspiring politician from Phoenix; George, a child psychologist from Seattle; and Michael, a shoe salesman from Chicago. All three have plenty of time on their hands these days and need a competitive fix. And now, here’s the host of NBA Jeopardy, Alex Trifecta.
Alex: Let’s get right to the board. Our categories this evening: Playoff Chokes, Role Models, Blown 3-1 Series Leads, White People You Hate, Spitting on Little Girls and Dan Majerle’s Jump Shot.
Charles: I don’t like none of them categories. I’m picking my own.
Michael: Hey, no one can see my shoes or the Nike logo on my shirt because of this podium. Is Reebok a sponsor of this show?
George: Who let Shawn and Gary in here?
Alex: Please, gentlemen, let’s begin. Now, who’s the defending champion?
Michael: Hakeem, but he’s busy tonight.
Charles: He’s only busy because we let him stay busy, so I’m starting. I’ll take the MVP for 50, Alex.
Michael: Not this year, you won’t.
Alex: The answer is: The only most valuable player in the last 20 years who’s never won an NBA title.
Michael: Who is my man Charles?
Charles: You know, I hate some black people, too.
Michael: I’ll take Retirement for 23, Alex.
Charles: No, man, you took that back.
Michael: Retirement for 45, then.
Alex: The answer is: This Chicago Bull’s retirement was the shortest in NBA history.
Michael: You’re looking at him.
Alex: No, sorry.
Charles: Who is Scottie Pippen?
Alex: Yes, for 1.8 seconds, correct. Select.
Charles: Art for 100, Alex.
Alex: This classic work took four years to complete and depicts nine different Biblical scenes, plus assorted prophets.
George: What is the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel?
Alex: No, sorry.
Charles: What is the graffiti in the visitors’ locker room at Boston Garden?
Alex: No. Michael?
Michael: What is Dennis Rodman’s torso?
Alex: Correct, please continue.
Michael: Referees for 50, Alex.
Alex: The answer is, Ted Bernhardt.
George: Who should be shot?
Alex: Correct, please select.
George: Mitch Richmond for Kendall Gill.
Alex: I’m sorry, that’s not available.
George: Scottie Pippen for Shawn Kemp.
Michael: You wish.
George: Who let Barry Ackerley in here?
Alex: Please, George. Select a category.
George: OK, I’ll go with Owners and General Managers Who Don’t Know Their Salary Caps From a Hole in the Ground and Wouldn’t Give Me a Vote of Confidence So I Leaked It to KJR That They Did Anyway. For another year on my contract.
Alex: I’m sorry, your time is up.
Charles: My turn. I’ll take Promises, Promises for a playoff share.
Alex: It’s an Audio Daily Double. You have only 45 dollars to wager, and the answer is: He told fans, “Relax and enjoy yourself. If we have the best team in the world, then we’ll win the world championship. If we don’t, we won’t. Stop being a pain in the butt.”
Charles: Hey, that’s me!
Alex: In the form of a question, please.
Charles: Who is me?
Alex: And that’s the bell telling us we’re out of time. Let’s move to our final round. Our category is Scapegoats and our Final NBA Jeopardy answer …
Charles: What is my back? I couldn’t carry these guys the way I used to.
George: Who is everybody but me? The owner. Wally. Kendall’s agent. Rooney’s bad attitude. Do I need to go on?
Michael: What is the baseball strike? I’d still be a Triple-A outfielder now and not a basketball mortal.
Alex: That’s correct, Michael. What did you wager?
Michael: $1,000 a hole. I’ll pay it off, don’t worry.
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The following fields overflowed: CREDIT = John Blanchette The Spokesman-Review