This Move Smells Like Rotten Eggs

The man who stole the Browns from Cleveland looked like he was about to pass some very bad gas.

Then Art Modell took the microphone and talked about “being in pain.”

Then the owner of the “Baltimore Browns” introduced his “Maryland banker.”

We can assume the money made Modell feel better.

How else can Modell explain turning his back on the town he called home for 35 years? How else can he rationalize selling out millions of fans who have supported his team?

Sitting on that podium next to a bunch of political

hacks from Maryland and in the shadow of Camden Yards, Modell looked 70 going on 90. His face was red and puffy, his voiced cracked from fatigue.

He knew he didn’t belong there. He knows the Browns have no more business in Baltimore than the Colts do in Indianapolis.

But he “had no choice,” he said.

He made a “business decision,” he said.

Today, “making a business decision” is a code word for doing what you want - then exonerating yourself from the responsibility of the broken hearts and lives you leave behind.

These “business decisions” are made by guys in expensive suits - faceless guys wearing reflector sunglasses and beepers on their belts. They are the suits behind the governors, mayors and team owners - and these guys may be the most scary of all.

You don’t know who they are, your gut just tells you they are up to no good. These men in suits often make us feel helpless - and the suits were everywhere in Baltimore Monday afternoon.

The press conference was in the parking lot where Modell’s new 70,000-seat football stadium will be built. It will be called “Browns Field.”

Try not to gag.

Modell watched a governor of Maryland, a suit named Parris N. Glendening, wave a 30-year lease, a legal kidnapping of the Browns to Baltimore. Modell knew the 28-page document meant he could no longer insist, “I’m not a rich man,” yet he didn’t look happy.

Modell listened as the good governor sounded like an absolute twit when he compared this day to Cal Ripken’s Ironman streak.

Ripken is about loyalty, hard work and staying through the hard times. This was about an owner who cut and ran, and about a city that stole another’s team.

Yes, the city knew it was wrong, but it had been wronged when the Colts scampered to Indianapolis … so somehow, that makes all of this OK.

It was nothing personal, just a “business decision.”

The writers from Northern Ohio had a pool, picking how long it would take for Modell to invoke the name of old Colts quarterback John Unitas. Two minutes.

Then Modell said something strange: “I won’t steal the Al Davis line about a commitment to excellence.”

No, instead he borrowed a page from Davis’ business playbook: He took the money and ran.

After a while, you just hate all these guys - the governor, the mayor, Modell, the suits and the 100 or so Baltimore fans chanting “Art … Art … Art!”

You look at Modell and think about how he attacked Dallas owner Jerry Jones and the other “new breed” of owners who are making their own “business decisions” that may not necessarily be in the best interests of the NFL. Then Modell does this.

At least Jones was up front about his deals with Pepsi and Nike, and dared the NFL to stop him.

Meanwhile, Modell actually signed away the Browns on Oct. 27, and he did it under the cover of darkness in a corner of the Baltimore-Washington Airport. The governor talked about meeting Modell on a private jet, then joked about secret knocks and passwords.

Then he laughed about the wild and desperate media speculation - while Modell sat behind the governor and stared at his shoes as he forced a smile.

What great fun it was, stealing a team on the sly.

Then it was revealed that Modell planned to wait until the end of the season to soak the last dollars out of Browns fans before letting them in on the deal - only there were too many leaks.

So he had to come clean - or whatever this was - on this sunny Monday. Is this how one of the NFL’s “great” owners makes “business decisions?” Is this what the NFL is all about?

Before the Browns finally play a game in Baltimore, there will be charges and countercharges - suits and more lawsuits. It won’t matter. The Browns are gone.Yes, we’ll have another football team. But in our hearts, we know it won’t be the same.